Episode 29

‘Can you please pass those chips?’, asks the guy with the coolest spectacles I have ever seen on a guy. Who knew spectacles can even be cool?

I pass the huge bag of chips on my side to him. We were on a small ground within the apartment premises. I had to ask advanced permission to use that place. This is the first official meeting of the BLANK group, you know, the group that I formed to attract like-minded people going through quarter life crisis? I mean, I had scheduled a meeting before, but only Anitha and I turned up, so we made it into an official selfie session, which we posted in the group’s homepage, which in turn helped in attracting new people. I also sneaked in a picture with Naren and Vivek, even though Vivek really isn’t a member(nor is Naren, but he signed up). This gave the impression that this is a fun group that does things that could be useful while being fun. There were more members and now there are actually six people in the meeting. Who knew a bunch of not-bad-looking people attracted more people?

Anitha is actually more involved in the group.  She has spoken to each and every one of them. There is this bespectacled guy with curly hair who is also the one who wanted more chips but looked like he works out. He came in with a boy-next-door kinda guy who was rocking the closest-crew cut I have seen on an adult and wasn’t entirely cool as his friend. There was a girl whose name was Ishitha (hence I remember her name, I mean, Ishitha? Who can forget that name?). She looked perpetually bored but spoke non-stop about her failed career, sinking relationship and a car that bailed on her, apparently she likes making jewelry and things. There was another girl who was short, round and too-enthusiastic and joined the group as she recognized Naren and Anitha and was from this neighborhood. Her name is Supriya, Supraja something.

There was another girl who hasn’t uttered more than saying hi to everyone and just looking at people one after the other, slightly creepy, but innocent, totally confusing the hell out of me.

Lastly, the best part of the meet, is this guy, the guy with lot of ideas. His name is Aravind and he looked like a genius and he thought my name of BLANK was genius, little did I explain him the origins of the name, he thought it symbolized our states of minds. He is tall, taller than even Karthik, so maybe more than six feet, lanky and has a contagious smile and a manner that put me at ease immediately, I mean, I was really skeptical on meeting a bunch of new guys. Okay, maybe I think he has great ideas because he thought BLANK is a genius name.

‘Here…’, I pass the bag of chips.

‘Balaji, call me Bala though’, he says, reminding me of his name yet another time. I smile. ‘Bala’, I repeat after him.

‘Bala, Aravind.’, I introduce.

‘Yup, we met’, Aravind smiles, a lot more inviting smile and I join him in the smile.

‘So, what are your interests Priya?’, Bala asks.

‘Priya is just exploring. She isn’t very sure’, Aravind answers for me. Hmmm.

‘So you guys know each other?’

‘No no. I just met her’. Right, I was just about to answer.

‘What about you Bala?’, I ask. It is my group after all.

‘I am in IT too. I like playing instruments. I play the guitar, keyboards and learning Sitar now’, yep, that explained the cool.

‘That’s nice. So what brings you here?’

‘Rex there, wanted to come’, he says pointing to the crew-cut guy who has been hanging out with the girls and monopolizing Anitha’s time.

‘Ahhhh’, Aravind and I both say together.

‘Aravind? What about you?’

‘I want to be a writer. But I am into marketing’, okay that explains the easy charm.

‘What prompted you to start this group?’

Well, I was bored but did not have a good hobby.

‘I don’t know, felt like something to be done’.

Aravind and Bala both look like I said something super-interesting.

‘Yep, it might help a few, if it really does what it can do. People meet up, brain storm, help each other’, Bala says sincerely.

I nod. I see Anitha walking towards me. I give her a smile and introduce them all again, even though I am sure Anitha met everyone and spoke to them already.

‘We should block that guy if possible.’, Anitha says, picks up a can of aerated drink and starts drinking and since the only other guy is the crew-cut guy, she must have meant him.

‘Ummm.. Bala here came in with him I guess, he.…’, Anitha coughs at this news interfering with her drinking, but is ever elegant and doesn’t spew any of the liquid on all of us.

‘Sorry’, she says to him between coughs and attempting to smile at the same time.

Bala smiles, ‘I am sorry too’.

‘I have an idea’, Aravind announces.

‘Why don’t we all decide what we are going to do for the next few weeks and come up with something? Like I can write something, Bala can play some music for us, Ishitha apparently is interested in making jewelry, we can do something and share among us all?’

Ummm okay. What do I do though?

‘Yep, that is not a bad idea at all. I can cook’, Anitha adds.

‘I am not very good and all that’, Bala announces self-consciously.

‘Dude, we are not professionals here. I will organize this whole thing’, I add. That should be easy, there were only six people all in all.

I announce this to the whole group and soon everyone actually decides to do something before the next meeting, after a lot of coaxing. Supriya-Supraja is the only other one who doesn’t know what she wants to do, but she admitted she is an avid reader and we all decided she can read some new book and tell us the story. Surprisingly, Rex isn’t entirely dumb. He is trying to be an actor and has an audition the next month, he will record his training for us all. He explained about getting into the skin of the role and some such thing. If it helps his audition, then great. The creepy-cum-innocent girl decided she is going to drop out of the group as it isn’t what she expected.

All in all, the first meeting isn’t entirely bad. But the whole point is to do something with our lives and that is something we will probably, hopefully get an inkling of when we meet the next time after three weeks. We all exchange numbers and decide on the venue, take pictures and selfies.

It is almost the end, most had left, only Bala is hanging back.

‘I hope you are good with those instruments Bala. Looking forward to it’, Anitha says.

‘You might want to send a recording to me first, so that you can get a second opinion and I can tell you whether you should come up for the next meeting or not’, I add.

Bala chuckles. He then looks at me pointedly, and I realize he is waiting to ask or tell me something. Anitha looks at me and her eyes widen as she also notices the pointed look.

‘Okay, I have to make a call. See you Pri, I will be at Naren’s. Bye Bala’, she says and leaves. Wokay.

Bala turns to see her go and after a couple of seconds turns to look at me. ‘Sorry, I am embarrassed to do this. But well Rex… Anyways, is Anitha single?’

Poor guy. At least he isn’t asking for himself.

‘She isn’t. The Naren she just mentioned is the boyfriend’

‘I knew it. But he just can’t read people. I don’t know how he doesn’t suck at acting. Sorry though’, he says.

I laugh. ‘Never mind. I cannot say I did not expect any of this, it all went entirely too smooth. But I am sure Anitha there thinks you are here waiting to talk to me. Wonder what to tell her without bringing your friend up’, I mock-worry.

He chuckles.

‘Good job though. This is a good idea, it might end up good. After a few meets, we should come up with a mobile app. I can help you with that..’

‘So you any good with mobile apps?’

‘Better than I am with a Sitar for sure…’, he says. He might end up being a new friend. I initially thought Aravind and I will hit it off, but that man has problems recognizing his limits.

I put my hand out. ‘It was good meeting you Bala. Thanks for not being a creep’.

He shakes my hand and gives me a distant half hug with just our shoulders touching and he says, ‘Thanks Priya, for not being a fake wannabe’.

Really?

I pat his shoulder as a two-in-one gesture of pushing him back and patting him in a friendly way. I should be alarmed, but he really is not a creep and he smells good.

With this thought I turn and I see Karthik standing a few steps away and looking at us with an expression I haven’t seen before. I smile at him brightly though, taking a moment to appreciate him.

‘Karthik! This is Bala’, I walk and talk and point at Bala all at the same time.

‘Hi Karthik’, Bala calls back and Karthik just jerks his chin at him. Right.

‘See you at the next meet then Priya?’

‘See you Bala’., and he leaves giving me a who is this guy look, given that Karthik is transmitting distinctly unfriendly vibes towards him.

‘Karthik?’, he hasn’t said a word.

‘Hello? There?’

‘Let’s go home’, he says and just walks off.

What did I do now?

‘Karthik, wait, don’t run’, he isn’t running, he is walking too fast and his long legs could take him much faster than I can ever hope to, even if I ran. He normally slowed them down for me.

But today he just walks off, increasing the pace but totally unaffected by it. All his working out is paying him off. Well he has to slow down at some point, I have the keys to my place, so I let him go and decide to take my own time.

I amble forward slowly and climb stairs and ignore the elevator, fitness is really important and I believe it is a way of life, reach my apartment to find Karthik pacing in front of my door. His eyes lock on me and I still don’t speed up my walk. I give myself a mental pat-on-the-back, I should either be rushing to or away from him, but I am sauntering on to him.

I reach for keys in my pocket and as soon as it leaves the confines of my pockets, his hand is there, snatching my keys away and he has the door unlocked while his left hand curls tightly around my upper arm and he drags me in.

‘Karthik, what the hell? Would you stop and tell me why you look like….’, I am not even allowed to complete my metaphor, I had a good one. I am yanked to a stop. Yanked. I get more than pissed off. I cross my arms and try to glare at him even though he is standing quite closely and glaring up at him that close would give me a head ache.

‘Who was that Priya?’, he asks, his tone devoid of anything.

‘Who?’

‘The guy who I am pretty sure is a complete stranger but whom you were hugging’

Oh.. I did have an inkling it was too soon for Bala to hug me, even a no contact one.

‘Ummm.. That was Bala’, I say as if that explains everything. We spent quite some time together, so not exactly strangers.

Karthik just raised an eyebrow at me. Wow, I last saw a raised eyebrow when he was scolding me for using him for nefarious reasons like getting  a job relocation.

‘Ummm.. You know the group I formed online? He joined the group. He is a musician and everything, cool guy. I…’

‘Cool?’

Okay, maybe shouldn’t mention his coolness.

‘No, I mean, we came up with an idea on what we can do and stuff, he was just saying bye’

‘By hugging you?’

‘Umm.. I wasn’t prepared, I didn’t know he was going to do that, it was a no-contact hug though, so not really a big deal’

‘Really? You have one meet and already unexpected hugs from strange guys?’

God, isn’t he over-reacting?

‘Umm.. He didn’t…’

‘You are defending him?’, finally, finally there is some tone in his voice, though not a good one.

‘Karthik’, I say, a pleading note in my voice, which I totally hate for the record, why am I not sounding pissed off enough?

‘Are you insane Priya? Do you even think it is safe? He could be anyone. He could be… and he was hitting on you’

‘Karthik chill. It isn’t how you think. If anything, he was asking about Anitha and that too for his friend, I mean..’

‘God Priya, and you believed him? Are you that gullible?’

Okay, apparently, I can do no right and I won’t be given a chance to explain. I keep quiet.

‘You have a meet with a bunch of new people, it was fine since it was happening in a known place with security in place and people you know all around you. But you…’, he says and runs his hand through his hair. I remain silent.

‘Priya, you need to be careful and you cannot just let anyone….’.

Okay, I get it, but seriously?

‘Karthik! I know what I am doing. He was harmless, I have good instincts. He is really fine’,  I definitely hope so, I try with a reasonable tone of voice.

‘Okay, so be it. But you won’t do this again’

Say what?

‘Huh?’

‘You won’t do this because I don’t like it and I don’t think it is a good idea’, he declares.

Seriously?

‘Am sorry, did I miss the gazette announcement where you declared yourself as my third parent?’, I say, stepping away from him. On hindsight, isn’t gazette announcement for name changes?

There is complete silence. I was so excited to tell him about the next meeting. I am not saying hosting meets is my thing, but I was beginning to like this whole idea of enabling something where people having similar problems could meet and possibly help each other and I could have fun doing it too.

Karthik walks forward closing the distance between us.

‘Where is the pendant Priya?’, he asks, totally unrelated.

I just shrug. I have no idea where he is going with this.

‘Why aren’t you wearing it?’

I am not entirely sure what he insinuates here, but I decide to answer honestly, one of us needs to be reasonable here.

‘It is delicate Karthik. It is inside where it is safe’, I say pointing in the direction of my room.

I am not going to try and understand his meaning, he definitely will explain openly as is his way.

I hear him sigh. He just stands in front of me, but begins relaxing.

‘Are we good?’, I ask him, after he seems alright and I get tired of just standing there.

‘Are you going to stop this group thing?’

Apparently not.

‘I have to try to do it Karthik, I find it interesting. We will know next time if these folks are really into something and if this can just be a place to do whatever alternative thing you want to.’

He looks at me, right into my eyes for a long time. I hold his eyes.

After a duration of unknown length during which small universes took birth and died, he looks away.

‘Okay, I will be there at the next meet then’, he says decisively and dismissively.

Damn. Like I needed to watch every step and be conscious the whole time.

‘Karthik, ummm, no.. I mean.. I..’

‘I will join the group, even if I do not, Anitha will tell me about the meetings’.

Right. I nod. I will come up with a plan to get him off the meeting. I need to close this chapter for now.

‘Okay, next week is my award ceremony.’ he starts right away with the next bow from his well-chosen quiver.

Shit. How did I forget?

‘Oh is it? That’s wonderful’, not.

‘I have to tell my parents about us.’ And that is why.

Crap. My mom knows, I have to tell dad. But my parents still think Karthik is the bombiest bomb ever, so they wouldn’t really have a problem. The biggest problem is facing his parents.

I nod.

‘Priya?’, he calls me. I prefer looking down. I need moral support and the tiles on the floor do a very good job at it.

‘Babe look at me’, he says, in a low voice and a tone I can never get tired of.

I look up at him. Karthik hooks his index finger under my chin and lifts my head further apparently dissatisfied with my attempt at looking up at him.

‘I will tell them as soon as possible within this week, whenever the timing is right’

I nod.

‘You need to be prepared. Anything can happen.’

I sigh.

‘They won’t like it, Karthik’.

He nods. ‘They will, eventually’.

I just stay silent. ‘The dress code is formal. Wear something nice’, he says, some mischievous smile on his face.

Like I wouldn’t choose the opportunity to buy more new stuff.

I smile. Finally, his face relaxes completely. He moves his hand away. His forehead drops to mine.

‘You have to be careful.’

‘I am and I will be. Bala is fine I believe. If he isn’t I know what to do’

‘He isn’t fine Priya’

‘How do you know?’

Karthik pulls back and sighs, yet again. Today is world sigh day.

‘It isn’t fine....’

‘Ya?’

‘Well, I don’t like him okay. I don’t like it either’. He bit out ‘it’ in case I don’t get what ‘it’ is.

Whoa what? Is Karthik being jealous? He? Like the perfect person that I know can get jealous? I thought he is only possessive and probably protective which I chalked up to him having abundant testosterone.

I fight a smile. Call me whatever, but the fact that he gets jealous is a very satisfying and fulfilling idea.

‘You know, you are being irrational, I wasn’t flirting or trying anything at all’, I say, unable to keep the smile off my voice.

‘Doesn’t matter. I am there the next meeting.’

If anything he sounded surer and more stubborn.

‘Do you want me not to have fun finding out if the meets really mean anything?’

‘You will have fun, I will be there’.

‘Not if you are going to behave like a guard and hover’.

‘Are you that kind of a girl? Who wants to make her guy jealous and throw a fit and establish a power pattern?’

Say what? I lose it.

‘You know what, you are a jerk! Just.. Get lost. I just don’t want to see you…’, I do not have a handle on my anger and I am most definitely spewing things that I don’t even mean. But does he get that? Noooo. He stalks towards me. His hand goes tight around my arm and I get pulled closer.

‘I am not going to let you do things that will get you closer to other men and have you tell me you are not into me anymore’.

In my current state of mind where I am seething that he thinks I am a pathetic attention-seeking manipulative bitch, I don’t want to be thought of as someone who cannot be faithful as well. 

‘Really? Who do you think you are? How dare you? I did not even know you were feeling jealous.. I mean look at you. Look at what you do and how you are, almost perfect. I would expect me to be jealous and insecure and all that.. But you… anyways.. I am not intentionally doing anything.. You just can’t… And you think I am so fickle I would just see one guy and what just jump at him? You think I am a slut? Have I ever done anything to make you say that? Ever? Not so perfect after all huh?’. His hand on my arm tightens and tightens as I go on. Apparently, I can’t take a clue.

‘Priya’, he says my name as a stand in for shut-up.

‘Oh! don’t even. You..’

‘Priya’, he says it as a stand in for shut-the-hell-up.

‘I can’t even imagine. You think that of me. I swear…’

‘Seriously, will you just shut up?’

My eyes go as wide as possible as I digest the possibility of Karthik directly asking me to shut up in that tone.

I try to wriggle my arm out of his hold.

‘Calm down’., he says, using a calming tone.

‘You calm down and get your hand off me.’

Finally, I manage to get away.

‘I didn’t mean it Priya’, he says, apparently that is sorry in jerk-language.

I just look at him. I shrug. Too little, too late. Okay, not too late, but it is way too little.

‘I don’t… I didn’t think.. You have to understand’, right, broken sentences without predicates, very earth-shattering realization-creating words.

I can either attempt to calm down or understand, I choose to calm down.

‘Let me come to the meet once, for my peace of mind. I won’t hover’, he even imitates me, not a good move when I am already pissed and angry.

I shrug. I have reached the-whatever state. Nothing affects me anymore. What it feels like is that he doesn’t trust me but soooo like him to assure me on the least important portion of his statements.

‘I am leaving then.’

I shrug again. I watch him leave. I don’t feel good about it, but I feel if he stays and we argue, things are going to get even tenser.

He goes to the door, turns back and looks at me.

‘I…’, he begins, I brace myself for anything and everything. He just shakes his head and leaves.

I go to my room, open my wardrobe and find the small box with the most beautiful necklace in it. I get it out and I feel the heart and pearl in it.  It wasn’t even my fault. He shouldn’t have done that. I collapse onto my bed with the necklace in hand.

I don’t know how long I was like that, my fingers treating the necklace like a rosary, my mind going back and playing his words out over and over again, my emotions getting murkier and confused as time goes. Anitha finds me like that.

‘Helloooo..’, she sings out.

‘Are you tired? I am…’, she goes on.

‘Exciting huh? I thought we were going to meet despos or people looking to pass some time. Not bad huh? I am soooo looking forward to our next meet. Naren just couldn’t believe it.’

‘Yup’

‘Huh? I expected you to be jumping with joy. Finally one of your ideas really might be something.. Hey.. what did that musician guy want? Anything I should warn Karthik about??’, she says, her tone teasing, still not cottoning on to my mood, I imagine her eyebrows dancing up and down.

I turn to look at her, she is facing away from me trying to put away her shawl and bag.

‘Well, Karthik is warned beyond doubt’, I say, my tone totally dry and bitter.

She does a whirl of extra ordinary speed and takes a good look at me.

‘Oh no.. Trouble?’

I shake my head. Her eyes lock on to the necklace wrapped in my hand.

‘What did you do?’, she asks.

She is Karthik’s most supportive champion.

‘Why don’t you ask Karthik?’

‘He did something?’, she sounds thoroughly surprised.

‘He is an asshole’, I had to call it like it is and thus I begin.

Anitha listens to my story. After asking me a hundred times to confirm that I really didn’t do anything drastic to instigate his reaction, she also agrees with me about what her favorite person is, although grudgingly.

‘I don’t know, maybe there is some story he hasn’t told you. This is so unlike him’

‘At this point, I am hoping that is the case’

‘What are you going to do?’

‘I don’t know.’

‘You don’t know?’

‘I know I didn’t do anything, but I feel like running to him like I did last time we fought.’

‘Noooo.. You have to give him time to realize his mistake. Don’t forgive him until he understands. The tables have turned, you can't be the one who is patching things up all the time’, she says, ever the voice of experience and probably a heart-felt one this time.

I sigh.

‘I am sure he has a reason.’, she sounds hopeful.

What do I do if he doesn’t?