Episode 24

'Congratulations. This is the result of everyone's effort in this room', Sukanya says. We were all seated in a conference room and she had called us for a quick meeting. 'Thanks for all the hard work you guys had put in. We got the account'.

Niiiiiice. We got a project from the European Library chain. Sorry, the name was European and I refuse to think the name of the client, it is difficult to even think it, much less pronounce. I have been in this industry for almost four years now. After all these years, there have been only a few moments when I have felt that I am a part of something good or that I have done something that can be considered an accomplishment or even a significant contribution. This is one of those few moments.

'It is a big account and it is going to mean a lot more work, we are starting ramp ups from next month', she went on talking about road map, business plan and all that. I concentrate on stifling yawns. I had slept for less than five hours yesterday. Anitha had moved in and we were both in the new-roommates-together whirl and were having a blast. Yesterday whole night, we stalked people (mostly girls, okay, all girls) we hate in Facebook and commented about their recent photos while supporting each other in our right to hate them. Surprisingly, we were able to do this for a long time. We then went on to objectively look at crushes we had had in our lives and discuss any past relationships, by which I mean, my crushes and Anitha's relationships. Yes, crushes in plural (like dozens of plurals) and relationships in plural too. That woman had a lot of stories and she has never been single in a long long time.

I have no idea what has been going on in the conference room and suddenly Sukanya points at me and mentions my name and I stand up instinctively, someone points at you and calls your name, you stand. Did I do something?  Nope, I didn’t, I realize I am not in class. Did I nod off and am I drooling by the side of my mouth? I anxiously touch the corners of my mouth trying to appear like I am not checking for spit on my jaw. Sukanya looks at me dubiously. 'Priya was quite enthusiastic and we wouldn’t have gotten a good kick start without her help', she says. I realize, she has just been giving honorable mentions of people who contributed to the project and since I stood up, she had been forced to add a couple of more points. Suddenly I understand her emphasis on the word "enthusiastic". I sit down calmly trying to look not very embarrassed and as if I meant to stand up and get applauded.

Out of the corner of my eye, I can see Shan trying to not smile and looking down to achieve it. Of course, he would catch me no matter what I do or how I try to cover it up. I spend the rest of the meeting trying not to catch anyone's eye. No one wants to be the dork who is the only person who stood up when a person rattled of a list of names. I mean it, no one wants to be that person. I wait in agony for the meeting to get over. I am the first one to bolt right out when Sukanya talks about having fun and doing it again. Right.

'So, I gather you were very happy that we got the project?', my nemesis, smirk-smiles.

'Uhhh.. Ya ya. It is a good thing. It is a…', I am trying to recollect if I heard how many millions the project would bring the company, but nope, I of course slept off when those finer unimportant details were announced.

'It is a very good thing', I continue, sounding like a moron.

Shan smiles, more smile than smirk. 'So looks like you expected an award?'

'Ummm….', I say, articulating myself like a seasoned writer.

'Or maybe you thought you got caught snoring.'

Shit. I do the most logical thing to do. I defend my honor.

'I don’t snore.'

Shan laughs, shaking his head.

'I am throwing a party at my home this weekend. I have invited Karthik. I won't mind if you tagged along.'

'Wow. I feel very welcome'

Shan smirk-smiles. 'Well, you are. Try to come. I mean, really try'.

Okay. I nod. 'I will really try. I can't promise though.'

I don’t know. Shan's party? 'What is the party for?'

'I have just bought a villa. I have already done the traditional house warming. This is to break the ice on the partying side of the house warming.' he says.

I smile. Who would have thought Shan was a party throwing person? Then again I remember the photos in his phone on his hard-partying Shanky persona.

'Ohhh. That is good.' I ask him customary questions on his house and he goes into descriptions and explanations. We can have civil conversation. Not bad.

'By the way Priya. I have been meaning to ask you. I see from your status updates that you are alternately working on the same two defects every other day and never fixing them?'

Oops. 'Are you facing any issues? Are there any..', he continues to say and stops. He looks at me and smirk-smiles. 'You have been not marking them as fixed because you don’t want to work on anything else.', he says.

Busted. 'No Shan. They have been causing some issue or the other.' I go on the explain something too technical for his MBA brain to understand. Too bad, he does not get fooled.

'I expect to see an update on those defects by today EOD', he says, all serious, and walks away.

Shan, the man of many hats, one of them being make-Priya's-life-hell. Okay, so let me go and mark those issues as fixed and get myself more work, the kind I don’t always enjoy.

'Shan invited you?', Anitha asks in shock. I nod.

'Shan invited you?', she asks rearranging her surprise to another word. I sigh.

'Yup'.

'This is interesting.'

I shrug. Interesting? Right, in the alternate universe where we are buddies, or wait, where I am his manager.

'What are you going to wear?'

'That is what you are thinking?'

'Ya. I mean, this was bound to happen. Karthik is his friend and he is also your boss. So chances of you saying no is..', she makes a zero using her left index finger and thumb and curving all the other figures too.

Yup, I needed a graphical representation, words weren’t enough. I sigh.

'I am going to Naren's. Are you sure you want to cook?'.

'Yup. I told Karthik I will cook.'

She shakes her head as if she doesn’t get why I agree to such things. Well, I am trying to see if cooking can be one of my hobbies. You know I am lazy, but who knows, I might find my soul satisfied secretly. It has to be a secret, as until now, I haven’t felt it. But hey, it is easy to try cooking, so I am trying. Besides, call me backward-thinking, but I somehow did like cooking for Karthik the last time. Well, feminism means, I can be backward-thinking if I want. It is my choice.

I call Karthik to make sure he is going to be on time. But of course, he doesn’t answer. I think what I can cook. I get reminded of our first date and decide to make pasta with a white sauce. I quickly google the recipe and find that I have only one item from the required ingredients – water. I don’t even have butter or cheese. Well, I tend to snack on cheese, so it is actually better I don’t have it. But now I got to run to the store. I am still wearing the red kurta and white legging I wore to work. I quickly wash up, change to gray tracks and a blue tee shirt. I make a messy pony tail out of my hair, stuff my feet into my navy flip flops and run. I don’t have enough time.

I rush like a mad woman on a mission and fill my shopping bag. As if I have extra time and as if I am a talented cook, I also buy the pressure cooker chocolate cake mix and grab a thick chocolate syrup. Don’t ask me why, I just felt like buying all this. I am not sure if I am ever going to make the cake. But, I might use the chocolate syrup. So it is not a bad investment. I run back home. I had left my phone at home and so I go check it for missed calls or messages. None. He must be busy.

So I put the pasta to bake and think that I should buy a microwave. A microwave with bake mode will be good. I can get Anitha to make cakes and stuff.

I chop some carrots, capsicum and open the can of black olives I had bought. Yup, I am going gourmet. I put these to bake too. I start the butter and corn flour and very unsurprisingly, I burn it. I have once tasted something called as the burnt butter sauce. Can I make that? I taste the burnt-whatever in my pan but it tastes charred, not burnt. I am standing right in front of the pan, how did it char?

I start over again, I already baked the other two, and I don’t want to cook something else. I wish I had also bought a bottle of ready-to-eat sauce, just in case. But, hey, I was over-confident. I manage to only slightly burn the butter this time and I cover it up with the milk and the cheese. There was a huge list of spices on the recipe, but who has the time to measure and add all those. So, I add whatever will make this sauce authentic tasting – oregano and since I like pepper, I add pepper. So yes, I made the pasta with white sauce. The site online mentioned forty-five minutes as prep time. Bull shit. These sites lie, I took an hour and a half. I check my phone, still no answer, so I decide to make the cake too.

I just follow the instructions in the pack. A very good smelling chocolate cake is ready in no time. I let it cool but since it took some time I put it in the fridge for few minutes. I generously use the thick chocolate syrup as a substitute for cream. Since I am not entirely artistic, I just make a thick coat of the chocolate and refrain myself from making designs and such. Let's face it, me baking the cake in itself is an achievement worthy of awards. I briefly ponder telling Karthik and everyone else that I made the cake from scratch. Not a good idea, no one would believe it.

By the time the cake gets set and the pasta is almost cool, Karthik still hasn’t made an appearance, nor made a call and my stomach is reminding me of the lateness of the hour. I call him again. Luckily he picks up.

'Hey'

'Sorry Priya. Got held up. I am on the way.', he says right away.

'Okay.', I understand he was held up, but there are these things called mobile phones, through which you can call, leave a text message and what not.

'Sorry. I was rushing through, I forgot to call. Then thought better to make an appearance than to call'.

Sometimes, the man reads my mind. Okay, all the time, the man reads my mind.

'That is fine. How long are you gonna be?'

'I guess ten minutes?'

'Okay. See ya'

'See ya in ten'.

I rush back to freshen up again. The things I do for love!

I think if I have to change and then decide not to. It's not like I have subtly sexy dresses that aren’t too flashy for wearing at home. I fix my hair and put on lip balm and I hear the doorbell. Perfect. I practically run to go open the door and calm myself in the last few seconds. It is only Karthik, I tell myself. Right, as if that helps. I am as always eager and excited to see him.

'Priya', he says like someone says What's up or How do you do. As if that is the latest greeting trend.

'Karthik', I say in the same tone and the corners of his mouth lift up in an almost smile.

I feel like kissing those corners, but, I don’t. Am I shy? Maybe.

'Wow. It smells good in here.'

Oh yeah. The compliment gets to me. I give a huge smile and I find Karthik giving me a weird look.

'What?', I ask.

He shakes his head. He bends down and gives me a peck on my cheek. Hmmm.

He walks in, gets himself a bottle of water and sits on my couch.

'So, I hear you are coming for Shan's party?'

'Where did you hear that?'. I settle next to him.

'He told me he was going to invite you…'

Oh yeah, 'He did.'

He looks confused. 'Then?'

'I haven’t decided whether am going or not.'

Karthik's left eyebrow shoots up. 'Is there something to decide?'

Why does everyone think I should go? Rather, they think I have to go. Granted, I am curious and want to see what a partying Shan looks like. But, well. I will actually end up meeting all or most of Shan's friends, who are most likely Karthik's friends as well. They all probably know I kind of dumped him and well you can imagine how that can be awkward.

'Yeah. I have to think. It's Shan.'

'Shan is my best friend, since school.'

I don’t know what that says about Karthik, if you were to judge someone by their friend.

'He is my boss. He hasn’t invited anyone else from work, at least from my team. He has only invited friends.'

Karthik's left eyebrow goes up once again, much higher than the last time. He gets up from the sofa and starts muttering to himself. I catch words like save me, insane. Looks like his is muttering about Shan. I prefer to think that.

He walks back and forth for a few minutes and then mutters some more and then finally turns back to me. He takes a deep breath which suspiciously looks like an effort at calming himself. It is not looking good for me.

'I am hungry Priya. Let's have dinner?'

'Ummm.. Okay. Let me just heat the sauce?'

He nods. I have the sauce ready on a pan, I just have to re-heat it and toss the pasta and veggies in it. While I try doing it, I might have dropped some pasta and veggies, tossing is a difficult job. When I finally finish, I put the tossed end result onto a bowl. I don’t think it looks as perfect as I imagined, but it will have to do. I pick up a couple of plates, forks and spoons and carry them all to the hall.

I see that Karthik has found the can of aerated drink I had stocked up for him and he was sipping on it.

'It smells good really', he says with an encouraging smile.

I serve the pasta onto the plate and give it to him and fix myself a plate too. I wait for him to taste to catch his real reaction. His face is carefully blank and he nods. 'This is pretty good', he says. Is it really that bad? I did taste the sauce, it was decent.

I taste it and I realize the problem right away. The white sauce wasn’t bad. But the pasta hadn’t cooked through completely and the veggies were pretty bland, they hadn’t absorbed any of the sauce.

'Do you want bread? I think I have some'

'No no. I am good. This is good.'

'No I am serious. I won't feel bad if you wanted bread with the sauce. I can toast it lightly. I don’t have a toaster but we can use the tawa', I add.

Karthik sheepishly grins. 'Ya, bread please. If you don’t mind. Also, can I do the toasting?'

I narrow my eyes at him. 'Please. I am hungry', he says.

'No cake for you'

'There is cake?'

'Yup. I made it. No cake for you'

'That is unfair', he says, entirely sounding as if it is a fair deal.

I huff and puff and stomp to the kitchen with him following. I thrust the bread at him and he gets to work. So much for soul satisfaction. I stand beside him, my back resting on the counter. He butters the bread and puts it flat on the tawa to toast it. Right, as if I can't do this simple thing. So, when he is done toasting a few, I don’t wait for him, I just pick a toast, dip it in the sauce and start eating. It tastes quite okay.

'It is good. You can dig in.', I inform him and he gives his sheepish grin again.

I frown and glare and pout and what not. I am indignant.

'Don’t pout', he orders. He orders!

'I am hungry babe. I could not have waited if …'

'If? You think I can't make a toast?'

'You can of course. I just didn’t want you to, after all the effort you have put into preparing this dinner'

My jaw drops down, yet again. Was he always this, this Machiavellian? Always?

'More bread?', he asks. I eat silently, while he toasts and eats in the kitchen. When we both seem to be done and thankfully the sauce is almost over, I bring out the cake.

He doesn’t seem interested at all. So I just cut out one piece, put it on a plate and carry it to the hall.

'Babe come on', Karthik says. I take the first bite into the cake and I have to tell you, readymade pressure cooker chocolate cake topped with chocolate syrup tastes pretty unexpectedly good. I end up licking the syrup on my fingers, it is that good.

'Is it that good? Or are you just doing it?', Karthik asks suspiciously. I know right, he is impossible. But I don’t do the jaw-drop thing. I ignore him entirely.

He reaches for my cake and I smack his hand away. 'Hey', he says, but uses unnecessary force and gets my cake. Eats it too.

'There is a whole cake sitting in the kitchen', I point out. He shrugs.

'This is good. How can you not bake pasta, but can bake this?'

I guess I don’t want to tell him it is like readymade noodles.

He gets up, goes to the kitchen and comes back with two more pieces of cake.

We eat it in silence. 'The cake is really good. I did not know you could do all this. I did not even think you had the patience to do all this' he says, licking the syrup.

Okay, I feel a little guilty, if he decides to marry me because I make good cakes, then I don’t want to have misled him.

'It is just a readymade cake', I mumble. He laughs.

'Thank God', he says.

'Thank God?'

'Yeah, I was beginning to question the fundamental laws of physics. If you can make cakes, the world as we know it just was altered in some fundamental level'.

Yeah, very funny!

I punch him on his shoulder with all the strength I have. I punch him again and he blocks me, but I don’t give up. It is a good move really. I end up getting kissed.

Just like that, I lose all the steam.

'Okay, so tell me now. Why don’t you want to come to Shan's party?', the conniving schemer asks me.

'Why did I think you are a gentleman again?'

'You did? But babe', he says, as if that is a stupid thing to think.

Well, I might tell him many things, not this. 'I have decided to go. Don’t worry'

I get a hug. 'Good. But why were you not ready at first?'. I shrug.

'Okay, so safe to say that cooking is not my thing', attempting to divert him. I do not want to discuss the jilting.

'Sorry what?'

'I thought maybe since I liked cooking the last time around, maybe, it is my newfound love.'

Karthik chuckles. 'You could have asked me. I would have told you the truth in all honesty'. I sigh.

'I have no doubt', I add, laying on the sarcasm.

'Got to admit. The sauce was good. Maybe there is scope for improvement. It might be your thing yet.'

'You do know, if you encourage me, I am going to subject you to all my experiments in cooking?'

He hangs his head as if it is a grave circumstance, but he has no choice in the matter. The man can be so dramatic.

'I know. But I would do it.', he says and I also get a peck on the corner of my left temple.

Awww… He is a sweet conniving schemer.

'More cake?', I ask him and he nods.

Episode 23

‘Aww… Karthik is just so romantic’, says Anitha. We are both standing in the furniture section of a mall. We are looking for a couple of comfortable chairs. Yesterday the gang ended up hanging out at my place and we had reverted to stacks of pillows.  We were browsing and not liking most of the stuff or what we like is way beyond my budget. I have also been telling her about what has been happening between Karthik and me.

‘Yep. I agree.’

‘What a waste’

‘Hey, don’t be mean.’

‘You are the least romantic person I know.’

‘So?’, I ask and Anitha just shakes her head.

‘There is no meaning to life. I end up with the likes of Naren and you end up with Karthik.’, she says, but she says that smiling.

‘I am pretty sure Naren can be romantic.’

‘He used to be, very’

‘Ohhh… Really?’

She nodded. ‘He asked me out the very second time we met. He took me to a candle light place along the beach, we had a long dinner and we walked along the beach afterward. He then bought me some bead necklace from the lady who begged us to buy something as she was closing down her shop as we were crossing it. He bought a black bead long necklace and gave it to me. I was about to refuse, I mean we were on a first date. But then he said, “Don’t refuse it. You want to keep this so you can tell this story whenever you tell our story”’.

Wow. That does sound good. Scary, but good.

It is my turn to go ‘Awwww. Naren? I used to think he is an insensitive idiot.’.

Anitha laughs. ‘Oh. He is that too.’

We sit on some super expensive super comfortable couches not meant for shoppers to lounge on.

‘So what you are saying is, all this dies down? Slowly?’, I need to be prepared.

‘Not die. Just becomes less. Goes from every time to some times and from that to on special occasions’

That still is fine. I don’t want a relationship where am always waiting and measuring the romantic gesture.

‘Seems fine’, I say.

Anitha looks at me and laughs. ‘See, this is what I am saying. Not every girl is okay with that, everyone wants more’.

I shrug. ‘Anyways, my work sucks though.’.

‘Everyone’s work sucks, that isn’t anything new’, she says, as if that isn’t a big deal.

She adds after a second, ‘Okay, maybe not everyone’s Vivek likes being a genius, Naren loves being a civil engineer, not sure about Aditya’.

‘You have been hanging out with these guys for such long time and you don’t know?’

‘Aditya and Vivek aren’t exactly sharing. They care, they don’t share. Naren isn’t either, but he has no choice since I am the girlfriend.’, she says and shrugs.

I nod. Apparently, Naren is the glue of the gang, who would have thought?

‘How is your roommate? You two getting along now?’.

‘Oh no. She is turned into a nightmare. Now that she has started, she can’t stop complaining about everything I do. She doesn’t like the way I arrange things in the kitchen, she doesn’t like the shows I watch on the TV. She doesn’t let me do my thing either, if I sit with my laptop she complains I am hogging our broadband. She also doesn’t like you.’

‘Why? I have met her only once and did not even speak to her much.’

Anitha just shrugs. ‘You see that cot there?’, I ask pointing at a single bed.

‘Yeah. It looks good, actually looks very comfy’, she says.

‘You wanna buy that and move in with me? My room is quite spacious, we can put that bed in the other corner of the room. I know it is not top privacy situation, but if you want, you can move’.

I have never been in a dorm or a hostel. I have never had to adjust with anyone who is a roommate. I don’t know if I could, but this feels like a good idea. Anitha had been sleeping in my couch, but still we had lived together for almost a month. Didn’t seem like a bad idea.

I know Anitha and her roommate shared a room too. The area we were in, affording another room was a bit over our budget.

‘Are you sure?’, Anitha asks.

‘Yes. I am.’

She shrieks all of a sudden and gives me a hug. ‘You are a life saver. You are actually going to give me peace of mind.’, her eyes are slightly shiny. I feel a little bit guilty. I should have asked her about this long back. But, like all girls who get too much into their guys, I did too. I make a mental note not to do this again, not to ignore others.

‘Sorry’, I tell her. ‘I should have done this earlier. Much earlier. I didn’t notice anyone else.’

Anitha gives me another hug. God, she is a hugger.

‘Priya. Chill. It happens. I have seen Karthik, I know it can happen’, she says and winks.

I couldn’t not blush.

‘It is going to be fun. We are going to have loads of fun. You know what, call everyone, we have to celebrate this.’

‘Umm Anitha? We came to buy chairs and now we also have to buy a cot and a mattress.’

‘Oh yeah’, she says and we get to work.

'This is the first good thing you have told us since you moved out.', my mom says. I had just called and told her that I am getting a roommate.

'We have been worried.. You living all alone..'.

Here I thought they had finally let me go and were okay with my gig.

'Mom', I chide her.

'Your dad wants to talk', she says and I wait.

 'I don’t know if you should get a roommate.', my dad says. Unexpected.

'Oh.. Really? Why?'

'Never mind. Take care Priya', he says. What is his deal?

'You did what?', this comes from Karthik when I tell him the same. 'I asked Anitha to move in with me and she is going to', I repeat.

'Why?'

'Well.. She is having trouble with her roommate'

'You didn’t tell me you were going to.' My parents didn’t say anything about it and he wants me to have deliberated it with him? Really?

'I didn’t know. Gee, should I ask your permission?'

I sound snappy. Karthik sighs.

'You don’t think, do you?'

'Excuse me?'

'Priya, I could drop by your place anytime.'

'You could now too. It is Anitha, not my mom'

He sighs again. 'I like your friend. I really do. But..'

I lose my patience. 'It is done Karthik. I don’t know if you have a say in this.'

'All I meant is, your apartment is already small'

'Yeah? Good that you aren’t living here then..'

'Priya, god. Don’t take it the wrong way. I meant that.. If I drop by she is going to be there.'

I try to calm myself. All he is trying to tell me is that he is worried about our privacy. I take a deep breath.

'That isn’t a problem really. She is going to be with Naren most of the time…'

Karthik doesn’t respond for a long time.

'Priya, is it because of the other day?'

'What? What other day?'

'You were very dissatisfied with your work. Are you trying to fill that with a roommate? Is it just another distraction?'

Hmmm. I don’t respond. I mean, who asks such questions?

'When are you celebrating?', he asks, understanding my mood probably.

'Right now? We are just waiting for the delivery of our furniture. Everyone is coming over to my place, our place'.

'You don’t even have space for people to sit'

'You just come.'

Our furniture had all arrived. We had moved my bed and placed her new bed in the other corner. We haven’t figured out where she is going to put the rest of her things. Anitha wasn’t worried though. She said she didn’t own much of anything except her clothes and few other stuff like books.

My old couch sat in the middle and I had gotten three chairs that were not too big, but comfortably cushioned. They were all in a shade of brown against the almost cream of the couch. I arranged them around the couch and we placed the coffee table smack in the middle. Now five people can easily lounge at my place. If they were willing to give up just a bit of their personal space, six people can be seated comfortably. Kewl.

Anitha and I freshened up and while I fretted about not having anything to give our guests, she just called Naren and asked him to buy a load of stuff and winked at me. That is convenient.

Karthik comes in earlier. 'Hey Pri. Hi Anitha', he calls out.

'Finally', he says sitting on one of the chairs. 'I need not worry about spoiling your fluffy pillows'. It is as if we had not argued over the phone. I am not entirely sure if that is a good or bad thing. Is this another distraction? His question runs through my mind. Why did he say another?

I take a bottle of water to him while Anitha sits on the chair next to him.

'I am sure you are not happy with this', she says smiling at him and guessing correctly.

Karthik just chuckles. 'Well, I can say I am not entirely thrilled.'

'You are worried I am going to cramp your comings and goings', she goes on.

Karthik looks at me for a beat. I shake my head to indicate I obviously did not tell her anything.

'I am happier that I wouldn’t have to worry about her all the time.'

Huh? Really? Is this the guy that spoke to me over phone? My jaw drops down. Anitha looks at me with an awwww look. Right.

I go sit on the couch right opposite to Karthik. I needed time to figure out what he meant and if he really meant it.

'How was your day?', he asks looking at me.

I shrug at him. 'Went okay', I say.

'Is everyone else coming down?', he asks looking at Anitha.

'Yup. They should be here any minute now. Excuse me', she says, picks up her phone from the coffee table and moves away.

'I am sorry about earlier', Karthik says, leaning forward towards me. I nod.

'If it sounded like you had to ask my permission, that was really not my intention.', he went on. I nod again. 'About the other thing I said, I think you should think about it'. I nod yet again.

'You are going to spend the whole night without talking to me or give me nothing more than a couple of words?', he asks. He looks surprised. Is this another distraction? I keep hearing that in my head. I sigh.

I think about it and I open my mouth to say something and that is when Naren, Aditya and Vivek walk in.

'Yayyyyyyy', they make sounds. Naren slaps Karthik on his arm and Karthik returns the favour, Vivek and Aditya shake his hand. They all say some form of greeting to me and Anitha comes out too, still over phone. She holds the handset, loudly greets everyone, informs she will be back and again leaves.

I am shoved to the corner of the couch and Naren sits beside me and Aditya sits next to him. Naren puts his arms around me and gives me a good teeth-rattling shake, his face full of smiles. Looking at him I couldn’t not smile. I smile at him. 'You are screwed. She is much closer to your apartment now. You are going to have much lesser space.', I tell him, trying to get him to remove his arms. He laughs. I look at Karthik and Karthik is looking at me, his face blank.

'Ya. I am doomed', he says but he says it happily. Aditya just shakes his head. 'He is crazy.'

'Naren?', Anitha calls him and he looks at her. 'Where are the chips?', she asks looking into a huge bag which is apparently what we are celebrating with. Naren gets up to go help her, the dutiful boyfriend that he is. Aditya glides towards me and puts his arm around my shoulder.

'You have no idea what you got yourself into', he chuckles.

'But I can't say I did not predict this. Vivek and I both expected this', he says looking at Vivek and Vivek nods his agreement.

'It is only logical. You and Anitha have a complementary frequency'.

We have what? I look at Karthik. Karthik has picked up a bottle of beer from the table and is looking pointedly at Aditya's arm around my shoulder. He lifts his eyes to me and takes a swig. Karthik seems to have a disliking for Aditya. I couldn’t guess why. I look at Aditya, and I can't see anything to dislike about him. I lean back on the couch.

'Priya? You are so silent', Vivek observes.

Naren comes at that point to lay out a bowl of chips and crackers and such snacks.

'She is isn’t she?', he says, picks up a beer and hands it to Vivek. Takes one for himself and sits next to Aditya. Aditya removes his arm and picks his a can of soda.

'Soda?', I ask him.

'I don’t do alcohol', he says and smiles. Really?

'I am surprised'

'Why?'

'You don’t do alcohol?', I look at Karthik to share my surprise with him, but Karthik and Vivek were discussing something, it sounded very techy. Great.

The conversation flows. I remain silent. I nurse my beer. Anitha actually has wine. She sits in the other chair having pulled it to Naren's side. I try to join in but all I hear in my head is Karthik's words. Is this another distraction? Damn. He is right, partially. I do care for Anitha. She is a very good friend. She shouldn’t be with a bad roommate. But that wasn’t the only intention for me asking her to move in. I was compensating for my dissatisfaction with work. Last time I wasn’t happy, I moved out of my house, the next time I spent all my time with Karthik which isn’t a bad thing, but completely ignoring rest of my life , was. I see the pattern. All I know is that I can't keep having distractions forever. I needed something more than a distraction. I also wonder how Karthik saw all this. How did he understand all this about me? I sigh.

I look at him and he is looking at me too.  He is leaning back on his chair, looking relaxed and his arms are crossed on his chest. He had refused another drink as he had to drive back home. I don’t know what overcomes me looking at him, I look away.

'Let me get you guys more drinks', I say and get up. I go into the kitchen and I had had an inkling that Karthik might follow. He does follow me.

'Are you alright?', he asks.

'No', I tell him. 'I am confused'. He comes towards me and pulls me into a hug. His chin rests on my head. He doesn’t say anything. Ummm.. I like the hug and all, but I would prefer if he said something.

'Karthik?', I prompt. His hold tightens. 'You were right', I didn’t add, again. He didn’t need to be reminded.

'Yeah?', he talks finally.

'I have been stalling and looking for distractions.'

'That's okay. I don’t think you need to hurry', he says, as if it isn’t a big deal that he spotted it.

I nod. 'I am not worried though.'

'Ohh?'

'I am going to take my time figuring out what is the other thing I want to do.'

'Okay'

'It isn’t practical to have a soul satisfying job all the time is it?'

'Not always' , he agrees. 'Really? Soul satisfying? I can't believe I thought you were down to earth. You are really dramatic', he smiles.

'I am not dramatic'.

'You are'

'Nupe'

'Babe', he says, making it sound like an admonition.

'How do you understand me so much?'

'You are like an open book. It is not very difficult'

'Let's assume for the purposes of this conversation that I am an open book. Still, I am sure this is not something that is like written on my forehead or something'

He chuckles. He takes his time to answer. 'I also observe. Observing, recording my observations and connecting the dots is my job.'

'Are you telling me that you observe each and every one and make notes?'

'I choose who I want to observe'.

'I am not sure I like your job'. Well I don’t. I don’t always want him to know exactly what is going on in my head.

He laughs. 'Naaa.. You like everything about me', he says. Conceited isn’t he? I am not saying what he says is untrue, but he doesn’t need his ego stroked.

'I hope this is not how you connect dots at work', I say, but I only get a chuckle again, I don’t want him to continue having his delusions. I raise on my toes and give him a peck on his right cheek. 'Let's get those people some drinks', I say and walk out, fully expecting him to follow me with drinks. I had to give a run for his money on the conceit department.

I go back to find Aditya off the couch and sitting where Karthik had been sitting. Karthik and I end up sitting on the couch after he places the drinks he carried on the table.

'We thought you were doing some brewing', says Naren and everyone laughs. I stare daggers at him but he just shrugs.

'Leave them be. They are fighting', says Anitha, obviously already happily high.

'This is the new kind of fight where the fighter follows the fightee around, I guess to fight', says Aditya.

Isn't this fun? Is this what I have to endure in a higher magnitude from now on? I look at Karthik, he has this almost smile on his face. I like this almost smile too. I am hopeless, I do like everything about him. But happily hopeless which is another level of hopeless.

Everyone including Anitha leaves after we order and eat dinner. They all helped clean up the mess too. They are a good bunch. But they leave me to contemplate and contemplate I do. I had to figure out a lot of things in my life still. Growing up sucks. You can get distracted and take a break, but you can't stop the inevitable. I am glad I have good friends and a great boyfriend, I have a job I like most of the time. I just need to find another thing that makes me feel full. I vow that I will find out even though I actively plan and execute multiple distractions.

Episode 22

I never thought I would be admitting this.I am probably in love. I don’t think I can define the love that I feel for Karthik. All I know is that it is different from what I feel towards my mom and dad, different from what I feel for Naren or Anitha.

Sometime in the last week, when I was busy trying to fight and trying to get Karthik to understand, I realized I am doing this because I more than just like this guy.

I expected that the realization would feel like a burden, like carrying something heavy on my back. Being in love is difficult work people. Surprisingly, it feels right, in fact, I feel like I am soaring, just a little bit. I don’t want to sound corny, but, yeah, that is how I feel. I am a tiny teeny bit worried about Karthik though. He hasn’t said the words or said anything remotely like it. But, actions do speak, I don’t need the words, yet. It is not as if I declared my intentions, right?

The list of things we like about, rather love about Karthik, keeps growing. Apart from being thoughtful and understanding (I mean, I don’t understand myself, but he does), he is also caring and always says the right thing. Let us not forget just how good he looks and how romantic he is. I am not romantic enough for him, but that is fine, one of us needed to be romantic and he was, which took off a huge chunk of work from my back. Don’t narrow your eyes, you know I am lazy.

Anyways, this is what I have been thinking about in a loop since last week and I also played interesting incidents (like multiple kisses) over and over again in my head. This is hundred times better than last week when I was obsessing about him not talking. Wheels of time, if I may say so. What I am currently doing is staring blankly at my screen at work and trying to get work done.

We had good news today. The proposal we had submitted for the library project has gone to the final stages and Sukanya and co will be making a final presentation. Since I am still way down the ladder and just helped with the project, I won’t be part of the presentation. This is a bummer. But I get it. I am still on the last rung of the ladder, so. They are trying to come up with a prototype for the finished product, a sort of mock up, and a small team of three has been formed, me being one of the team for obvious reasons.

The other two in the team are guys with more experience for this stuff and have worked together before on similar tasks and they have been treating me quite obnoxiously. First, they already decided what they are going to work on and then asked me what I want to do, like for the sake of asking. Since they had already split most of the interesting work among themselves, like coming up with basic style sheets and the look and feel and things like that, I am stuck with just wiring the different screens together. Basically, they will build all the awesome looking user interface or pages and I am supposed to write the piece of code which just brings up those pages based on actions. Like they would do the kickass home page and the essential login page.

My job is to ensure that once you login, the home page appears. This is a mock, so there is no login checks in actuality, so just need to bring up the home page. Bleh.

I have been arguing the whole day with them and they haven’t relented. Apparently, they are the “experts” or so I have been told. This just sucked.

Well. I am going to do something about this.

‘So, what you say is, Sanjay and Vinay are doing most of the work…’, Shan says, preceding a smirk-smile.

‘Yup. I mean, I need to….’

‘Good. It is going to turn out good then. Those guys know what they are doing.’

Grrrr.

‘I want to do something interesting Shan.’

‘We want this done quickly Priya and for it to look great. It is a mock-up. We don’t have the time.’

‘Shan but..’

‘Priya, there is a time to learn and there is a time to do. You can contribute the next time..’

Asshole.

‘Is there anything else?’, he asks and I shake my head.

It is like he read my mind, because he smirk-smiles. Jerk too.

Right. So that was absolute fun. I was tricked into feeling like work could be interesting.

‘So.. The point is?’, Karthik says.

We are sitting in an ice cream parlor, having just ordered ice cream. I have been complaining about his dear friend Shan for some time now, from the time he picked me from work and all through the way till the ice cream place, up until now. He had been patiently listening, but now looks like he has reached his limit.

‘Grrrr… Karthik, you have to listen. Your friend is a jerk’.

Karthik just shrugs. ‘I don’t know, looks like he is just doing his job..’.

My jaw drops and I look at Karthik with my mouth fully open.

‘What? He is doing what is required to get things going on…’

I reel with shock for about five seconds. I lean back in my chair, fold my arms on my chest and give him a skink eye. I expect him to drop down on his knees and apologize with earnest. That would have been the preferred execution of the events.

‘Well.. Get over it Priya. You don’t always get what you want when you are in a field where there are thousands of people too. You gotta….’, he keeps talking completely undisturbed by my stink eye. So I send out a look of smolder, really intense, he should be shaking in his shoes.

Karthik stops his lecture, but doesn’t look like my smolder mattered to him either. ‘Anyways, let’s not talk about Shan. Doesn’t seem like the right use of our time.’

What? No apology? No epic declaration? You gotta respect the smolder. I get pissed by the lack of respect towards my smolder. So, apart from folding my arms over my chest, I also turn away from Karthik and start observing the posters with colorful, yummy ice creams blown up with happy families enjoying.

‘Priya?’, Karthik calls me. I would have left the place. But I had ordered Death By Chocolate. So, nothing is going to stop me from eating my first Death By Chocolate of the year. You see, DBC is the best there is. Super rich chocolate brownie chunks topped with vanilla ice cream, topped with hot chocolate fudge, topped with peanuts. DBC is indeed to die for, but if you lead a sedentary life sitting in front of a computer and then sit around and talk with friends the rest of the time and the extent of your physical activities is the occasional run which you claim as a fitness activity worth a month, you eat DBC only twice a year. This is going to be my first time in this year.

‘Priya?’, Karthik attempts again. I look at the table next to ours. There are a group of girls laughing and chatting and having fun. I also see a couple of girls looking at Karthik and smiling among themselves. I give them the stink eye. They laugh it off too. Great.

I look back at Karthik to see him turning side ways to look at the same table and a smile is playing on his lips. Excuse me? He smiles?

‘Nice looking girls right?’, he says.

‘Are you trying to irritate me?’

‘Yes, it is obvious isn’t it?’

‘I am just waiting for my ice cream. Once I am done I am going to go my way, you go your way.’

Karthik laughs.

‘You are dramatic. I did not realize that.’

‘I am not dramatic. I am just saying what is going to happen since you didn’t get what happened.’

‘Ok.. What happened? Explain to me? Please?’

I shrug. The time has passed.

I bring down my hands, put my right hand on the table and start tapping away with my fingers. I hum some random tune to show him I am completely cool.

I should have known Karthik isn’t very fair. He picks up my hand, ignores my attempt at pulling it away from him.

‘Tell me.’

‘Well.. If you don’t know, no point explaining right?’

‘Are you not talking because of the Shan thing? I thought we were done with it.’

‘You took his side.’

‘I didn’t take any sides. I was just trying to explain to you that these things happen.’

‘Right.’

‘Priya?’

‘What?’

‘You can’t be pissed because I am saying something that makes sense’

‘I need to talk to Anitha. Telling this to you was a big mistake.’

Karthik sighs. ‘Babe’, he says.

No! He didn’t!

‘Don’t call me babe when I am pissed.’

Karthik gets up, pushes his chair towards my side. No no no. I will get de-pissed if he tries. I want to stay pissed. I move my chair away. He puts a hand out holding my chair and trapping me and pushes his chair and sits down right next to me. Crap. I hate it when guys can do stuff like that.

The chair wasn’t a light one either. Before I can recover from his display of strength, he has also pulled both my hands into his. Double crap.

He rubs the top of my right hand with his and since I am not looking up, uses the other hand to bring my chin up. ‘Priya, what is happening?’

I sigh. ‘I was enjoying my work, really liking it. Now it is boring again. I feel like I am not doing anything useful, again.’

‘Again?’, he prompts.

I nod. ‘I realized that, I can’t always like my work. I can’t look at work as the only means of feeling accomplished.’

I pause. He stays silent. ‘I want to do something that feels good and satisfying…’

‘But you said you do like being in software. Not a lot of people even feel that way. Most of them hate it, but still do it.’

I nod again. ‘You were right’.

‘I was?’, his thumb makes circles on my left palm and I feel myself calming down. Damn.

‘Yep. I am in a field where there are lot of people. So there are going to be such instances and they are going to occur frequently.’

‘But I also know, you have to enjoy your work. Else, you are going to be stressed and feel frustrated all the time’.

I nod again. I don’t say anything, I even look away. Looks like the waiter was just waiting for one of us to give a sign that we are ready for our ice creams, he looks at me and gestures about serving our order. I nod at him. Poor guy.

I look back at Karthik. I sigh again. ‘I am sorry.’

‘It’s okay’, he says, squeezing my left hand. The waiter comes and places my order of death by chocolate and Karthik’s order of some normal sundae. I try to snatch my hand away, but Karthik doesn’t let me. I wait for the waiter to serve us and leave.

‘I thought I will have to stop being a software engineer and start being something else.’

Well, I did. I was going to find another exciting career when I find myself and fall in love with this exciting new field. I mean, I didn’t do much about it. But I planned to. What really happened was, I found a part of my job that I liked and I just fell in love. Karthik still looks at me expectantly. Not a bad way to have an epiphany, I think, looking at him.

‘So, I need to do something else that is going to make me feel good when being a software engineer isn’t enough.’

‘Hmmmm’, he pauses. ‘Having a job that is soul-satisfying, is an old school thought.’

‘Really?’

He nods. ‘There is nothing wrong in making a living out of one thing, and living for something else. There are few people for whom both are same. There are few who see the first as a curse and complain all through life. There are few who see the first as a means for having the second.’

Wow. That actually makes sense. Do I have a second something in my life?

‘When did you become so wise?’, I lean forward, subtly pull out my hand and pull the ice cream to me.

‘I am always wise. You should always listen to me.’, he says drily.

Right. I mix the multiple layers on one corner to take my first bite.

‘You should not gloat. You should accept compliments graciously’, I say, using the same tone as he did.

He smiles. ‘I do not gloat’.

I snicker at him and taste the ice cream. Like always, the first taste of it sends me right to heaven. Mmmm.

‘Babe?’, he calls me again. I look up, with a spoonful of just the fudge and raise my eye brow in question.

‘Is it that good? You are almost moaning.’. I nod. He picks up his spoon and dips into my ice cream and tastes it.

He makes a face as if he ate something that is too sour. ‘It is too chocolaty.’

Well duh.

‘How are you going to have all of it?’

‘Karthik? Stop talking right now before I decide we have to go separate ways again.’, no one insults chocolate. Not even Karthik.

The infidel just laughs. God, he is irritating. I lean forward threateningly.

‘Stick to your boring black currant sundae. Don’t come near my ice cream.’

He ignores my threat. His finds his way to my ice cream again. I pretend being shocked. I want him to like it though.

‘Well.. It is not bad really’, he says.

‘Just Not bad?’

‘Yup’

Men.

‘You want this?’, he says pointing at his ice cream. I shake my head. ‘No thanks’.

‘Well I don’t want it either’, he says and pushes it away. What a waste.

He pulls my ice cream in between us and starts at it. Well, at least I can have DBC four times a year now.