Episode 13

Sometimes things are so stagnant that something as trivial as a holiday on a work day feels like a rare boon, falling sick seems an interesting change of routine. Sometimes, things move so fast you don’t realize much less know what is happening. You pause to take a breath and you realize, what the hell has been happening? The answer to that question is not always a good one. Well what can ya do?

I stand in the threshold of my home unsure what do I do. Do I like Karthik? Hell, yes. Would I like to see where this thing between us is going? Of course. Am I thrilled with the direction things are taking? Definitely. Am I fine with the pace with which things are moving? Ummm… not so sure. I would date him, yes. I would like to see him two-three times a week, no, two is good for me. I did not predict anything in the foreseeable future where he sits on my couch looking like he has done this all the time, talking to my roommate all be it a temporary one. I panic. I try not to show it and try taking deep breaths.

I walk in suddenly, say hi to both of them and rush to my room. I spend some time in the bathroom calming down, clean myself up. I change into comfortable clothes, an oversized tee and super huge harem pants; yes, I am going for the most natural look, possibly scary, if he is unimpressed, good. I tie up my hair in a messy knot on the top of my head. I hope this scares him good. Okay, I know I am doing a stupid thing, but this is how I am going to deal this. So am a coward, sue me!

I step out, brace myself and plaster a smile on my face. I can do it. I can trick someone into falling out of… out of what? Love? Naaa… Interest maybe…

‘Guys, you had dinner? Hope you saved some for me. I am starving’.

Anitha takes note of my attire. She gives a disapproving shake of her head, her mouth turning down. I try to avoid looking directly into Karthik’s eyes. No clue why. I discretely try to gauge Karthik’s reaction. After the initial shock or surprise, I am unable to decipher which, he seems fine. Damn.

‘Karthik. Am so tired Karthik, loads of work. So late already. What are you doing here Karthik?’. Do I sound as nervous as I feel? Probably. Karthik raises his left eye brow at me. He doesn’t answer me though.

‘We are waiting for you Priya. Anitha cooked something Chinese that smelled divine. Something tells me, she is the cook in here?’, he goes on, as if what I ask doesn’t matter.

I nod. ‘Yes. I hate cooking. I am not a fan. I like eating though..’.

Anitha decides to join the conversation. ‘Good thing she hates it, if she loves it, you can’t tell her straight to the face that her cooking sucks’.

Karthik laughs.

‘Hey, my cooking doesn’t suck. It is okay. It is not good, doesn’t mean it is bad. There is a huge difference.’

‘Pri.. Why do you think the guys always invited you for dinner to their place? A sample of your cooking one day, and they decided better to feed you than be tortured!’.

The tall trio thought I cook that bad? I am indignant.

‘That isn’t fair. I haven’t cooked before’, I whine like a kid.

‘I suggest you don’t attempt hereafter either’, this from Anitha.

Karthik laughs again, like that is the funniest thing he has ever heard. I throw him a dirty look. I have been standing leaning against a wall in my living room. I have a lot of pillows, I go to find another stack.

I probably huffed and puffed, but I find my pillows, stack them in front of the coffee table and sit down. Since I don’t have a dining area, Anitha is laying out food on the coffee table. She has made some sort of noodles and the smell that wafts when she opens the hot pack is just mouthwatering.

She goes back into the kitchen to get plates and such and I take the opportunity to glare at Karthik.

He smiles, a very patronizing smile. He leans forward, drops his voice and says,

‘I would eat anything you cook. I might not survive it, but I still would’, he says. His voice is so low and his smile turns from patronizing to mischievous. He looks at the messy knot of hair pointedly and says, ‘You look interesting today’. He reaches out with much difficulty, picks a stray one from my messy hair that was floating irritatingly above my eye brow and tucks it behind my ear.

I try not to focus on the hair tuck thing. I can feel myself feeling content that he is interested even though I look like an unkempt nester. I look interesting? Before I can ask what he means by it, Anitha comes back carrying three plates, forks and spoons. I get up to bring a bottle of water and bring a glass. Glass is for Karthik, we don’t mind swigging from the bottle. So I pour him water and settle the bottle between us.

Karthik isn’t idle either. He starts serving the noodles onto the plates, placing medium sized portions on two and a large one for himself. Apparently, he has a lot of experience with feeding women. Hmph.

Karthik tastes and gives an “mmm” sound. ‘Anitha, this is good. This is very good.’

I stare at him. He looks at me and goes, ‘What? It is damn good.’

Don’t ask me why I do what I do next. I say in a very serious voice – ‘Hey, I can make Maggie. It tastes pretty damn good’.

Anitha was chewing her food and listening to me, starts choking and laughing at the same time. She cracks up so much she ends up coughing hard. Karthik is laughing and looking at me with open mirth. Well, I get angry naturally. I decide to look down and spend all my concentration on eating. Making readymade stuff is cooking too.

‘Is she always this funny?’, asks Karthik. Wouldn’t do to remind them I am still in the same room.

‘Oh ya. She is. Unintentional, but yeah’.

The traitorous little shit. I should ask her to move out. I humph unintentionally.

‘Some people don’t consider soaking readymade noodles in boiling water and watching it till it gets boiled as cooking, you know.’.

I am not one of those people. You use a pan, you have to measure water, you boil water, and you add noodles and the flavoring powder and stir. It is supposed to be done in two minutes, but does it ever? You have to simmer and stop at the right time. This isn’t cooking?

Of course, I don’t say it out aloud. ‘Well, you can’t make fun of me, not when you cannot prove whether you can cook worth a damn or not.’ I am pretty sure someone like Karthik has never even set foot inside the kitchen.

‘Oh that is easily rectified. I can cook for you.’, he looks at Anitha, smiles and says, ‘How about dinner tomorrow?’.

What? What did I get myself into?

‘You should do it tomorrow. I am traveling to my home town. You guys should totally do it.’. I look at Anitha, putting every ounce of energy I have into what I am sure is a death stare, I hope she gets incinerated. In another universe, may be.

‘Perfect’, Karthik says. ‘It is a date.’

Am I ever going to be asked on a date? This just sucks.

I eat in silence when the little rat, rats me out to Karthik. She takes great pleasure in telling him I am lazy, quoting examples, like the time I faked sickness when I was too lazy to even walk down to Naren’s apartment to eat food, hence making Aditya come carrying a box of food. I tried explaining I was feeling faintish, but nope, no one was willing to listen.

‘You have no idea. She sounds like she has a fever so high that even her voice is foggy. She coughed a couple of times into the phone. Later, she tells she feels faintish.. I mean, how can anyone be this lazy?’.

Karthik looks at me, something in his eyes tugs at me. He spoils the whole effect my laughing his butt off. ‘So you don’t act well either?’. Idiot.

I tune them out. I am a bit sleepy and tired. So tuning them out is easy. I finish eating, take my plate back to the kitchen, take my time leisurely washing and double washing it.

I come out and find Anitha gone, her plate on the coffee table. Karthik was done eating too.

‘She got a call. She went out to take it.’. Anitha and her tricks.

I come back to my stack of pillows. Karthik gets up from the couch and sits down on the floor in front of me. He reaches and pulls my hand into his.

‘I know what you are doing Priya.’.

Huh? How is that possible? ‘I am not doing anything’.

He smiles, his thumb drawing circles on my palm, he says, ‘I admit most of the time you are not predictable. But one thing I am sure of, as I have loads of experience facing it.’.

‘What are you sure of?’, my voice drips with skepticism. Also, am I unpredictable?  

His smile widens. ‘When you are not sure what to do, your reaction is to run first, think later.’

Wow. I can make an effort and get angry, doesn’t matter whether he is right or not. So I give him a look of scorn. He laughs.

‘And you fight back always, whether it makes sense or not’, his voice turns soft and sounds like a parent admiring a young kid’s stupid antiques just for being capable of doing it. This angers me more. I snatch back my hand.

‘You are the most infuriating person ever. You can’t call a person senseless to their face. That is just rude.’ In spite of me pointing it out, he throws back his head and laughs, a very full, throaty laugh. ‘So, just saying it is rude?’, he smiles tauntingly.

What the hell? ‘You should leave. It is late. Anitha can’t be over phone forever.’.

He looks surprised now. ‘Okay, okay. Truce.’

I just look at him. He takes my hand back.

‘Priya, I came here to tell you something important.’.

Ohhh.. ‘Okay, tell me’.

‘My office offered me a position back in Chennai. I am taking it. I am going to head all the new R&D.’

Oh nooo. Not so fast, this can’t be happening, my stomach feels much much heavier than it should be.

But isn’t this great? I need not worry whether he is in town or not. He will be there in the same city. A delightful feeling creeps up my spine.

Wow!

‘Ohh.. Wow, great news Karthik. You excited?’, I ask. I sound conflicted. He looks thoughtful. ‘So the whole new department eh? Must be a really good opportunity for you’. He looks even more thoughtful and is looking at me with searching eyes.

‘You don’t sound nearly as enthusiastic as I thought you would be. I thought… Well, maybe I am reading you all wrong.’

As he predicted before, my instinct tells me to run. I want to tell him something along the lines of why would it matter. I decide, for once, to take a different option.

‘Karthik… I am really happy that you will be here. I really am. But I am also freaked out a bit. You are here, just visiting. You did not even ask me out, you just sort of made it happen. Today, I had every intention of coming home and fall into my bed and sleep like the dead. But… I am not saying I don’t want to see you… I just.. I just don’t want to feel like we are rushing or that I don’t have an option’. Not bad, I did articulate it well.

Karthik’s face blanks out. He unconsciously, shifts my hand from his right hand to his left one and then back again.

‘You want to take it slow? We met a long time ago. We were engaged… How slower can it get?’. All fair points. I don’t have fair answers, so I keep quiet.

‘I like you Priya. I don’t understand why, but I like you’, he looks confused. He looks sooo confused that I couldn’t stop myself. I lean forward and rest my head on his shoulder. It feels awkward physically, I mean, try leaning on someone sitting in front of you, but it feels like the right move.

After a long silence, he sighs. ‘I cannot do this Priya.’

Unbelievably, he drops my hand from his hold and pushes me back gently. Okay. He cannot do what?

‘I don’t think I can do this. My move to Chennai is very good for my career. But there is a corner of me that is happy that it means we get to….’, he stops mid-sentence.

‘What?’, I prompt him. I so want to hear it. I badly want to know how that sentence ends.

The damn man shakes his head. He raises his hand picks up a stray from my messy head of hair, the action very unconscious. But he suddenly drops his hand. Oh no… What have I done?

‘Karthik?’. Shit. What have I done?

‘We will take it slow Priya.’. He gets up. ‘I will call you soon.’.

He walks to the door. ‘Good night Priya. Say bye to Anitha for me’.

Shit.

I sit on my pillow stack, surprised. Running would have been better, I think. I can conjure up any sort of excuse later.

But it is good right? This is good?

Anitha walks in. ‘Uh oh. You don’t look good. What happened?’.

I tell her. ‘Pri. Chill. I was surprised when I saw him today too. I mean who does that? You did the right thing Pri.’.

Did I? I yawn. God, am so tired. I shrug. What is done is done. If this is going down the toilet… Okay, I don’t want to come to such premature conclusions.

I pick up my pillows and head to my room. The phone on my bed vibrates.

I let myself fall on the bed and pick up the phone. There is a text message, from Karthik.

People text first, then start talking, then they meet. You wanna text?

I smile into the dark, relieved. I manage to reply.

No. We are past the text phase.

He takes his time replying. I struggle to keep my eye lids open. Losing the fight, I drift off. I dream about domain models and system architecture diagrams. Nightmares really!

Link to previous episodes : Episode 1  Episode 2  Episode 3  Episode 4  Episode 5  Episode 6  Episode 7  Episode 8 Episode 9 Episode 10 Episode 11 Episode 12

Episode 12

‘Come on, tell me tell me tell me’, Anitha is persistent.

I don’t know; I want to keep this whole thing to myself. I shake my head. ‘Have you had dinner?’, I ask.

‘Noooo. Don’t do this to me. Right now I am in a difficult point in life. Please tell me what went on, pleeeeease. The love of my life is on a break. You don’t break my heart too’.

Not even subtle. ‘Anyone who uses their situation for blackmail isn’t in a difficult situation’.

‘It is a difficult situation. I have a difficult choice to make’, she tells me, looking thoughtful. I don’t ask her what though, subtly showing her how to not ask.

‘So tell me Pri’. She didn’t much care for the lesson.

‘We had dinner, he dropped me home as it was late. End of story.’

‘Do you know how he looked at you, when you were trying to kill me with your look for inviting him? Did you see?’

‘Ohh… how?’

‘Do you know how he looked at you when he gave you that pathetic hug?’

‘Nope, I didn’t see.. tell me.. how did he look at me?’

‘I will. Only if you tell me what happened today.’

‘Arrrgh… Okay. So, he called me and sort of forced me into the whole dinner thing…’, I succumb. I would like to hear if he was looking at me with eyes filled with adoration and longing.

Anitha listens until I finish the quite detailed narration. ‘Hmmmm..’, she intones gravely. ‘Sorry to tell you my friend. You have already reached the point of no return, even though it is your first date.’

‘Huh?’

‘You are smitten Pri. Why the hell did you not marry him again? Refresh my memory please?’. She laughs. The damn woman laughs.

I just look at her.

‘Why the hell did he not attempt all this before you were engaged?’

‘Honestly, I don’t know Anitha’. I don’t. Damn.

‘You look like you just lost a trophy or something. Chill Priya. It can still happen you know…’

I don’t know. Can it? Do I want it to? Maybe. Maybe not. Who the hell knows?

‘He is really into you Pri. I saw the way he looked at you. He would have come in if you had invited him. He did not want to go. He did not want to leave you.’

Really? But, isn’t it too fast?

 ‘He looked back twice once he left and he caught you sighing and leaning on the door as if you needed support and fanning yourself. He smiled looking at that’

‘Whaaaat.. How come he catches me always? That is so embarrassing. He must think I am some sort of desperate spinster or something.’ This is just not right. I don’t catch the man doing anything embarrassing. Everything he does is soooo impressive. Gosh, I am a tiny teeny bit besotted, am I not?

‘Maybe. But he also knows you are flighty. You know what.. I think he is being all bossy because of your history. Orrrrrrrr, bossy is your type.’

What? Naaa… Bossy isn’t my type. Come on.

‘No way! Bossy isn’t even a category or type under… well types?’. She laughs.

‘It sure is. You might not like bossy, you definitely like cute and bossy though..’

Pfft. Karthik. Cute. Right. I burst out laughing. Kittens are cute. Karthik?

‘He is not cute, Anitha. What he is is, he is something…He is someone..’.

‘Look at you, attempting poetry. This proves why you haven’t had any luck before. I mean no one? No boyfriend? No almost boyfriend? Not even a serious crush?’

I shake my head. She laughs. Again, why is my lack of romantic history funny?

‘He is going to be difficult for you to manage, I just know it. Don’t worry, I will help you!’

‘What? Why should I manage him?’. Anitha laughs again. Hard.

‘You will know soon enough’.

I nod. Didn’t people meet, like each other and just… just be? What is this managing business?

‘Sooo.. I have a question for you.’. I nod for her to ask the question.

‘Do you mind if I stayed with you for a few days? I need to clear my head and I am not able to do it in my place’.

I do not understand what she meant or what she had to do. But, she is a friend, so I don’t ask her why.

‘Sure Anitha. As long as you want to. No problem.’

Most unexpectedly, she gives me a hug. ‘Thanks Pri.’

‘Never mind Anitha.’ I don’t mind. But a corner of my brain kept telling me that I am not seeing Naren much already. If Anitha actually stayed here and something else happens?

*******

Living with someone who is not your parents is actually fun. Anitha and I got along well. She likes to cook, so I let her cook. I like cleaning up, so I do that.

She is a morning person, I am not at all. But it works out because she leaves much earlier than I do for work and given the single bath situation, it is ideal. We both like science fiction, rom coms and we watch a couple of same sitcoms. It has only been a day, but I know this is going to be fun.

I am at work. It has been hectic. I have attended a one day workshop for understanding the domain and getting a better idea. Sukanya is making me work too. We have daily catch up meetings. My work gets reviewed by some experts and I mostly end up feeling a fool because of the changes they propose every single time. The last review meeting was a disaster. Every single aspect of design was discounted. Sukanya had pulled me into a separate meeting and asked if I can do it or she should find someone else. I had to rein my temper in. I am new at this, there is such a thing called as the learning curve.

She suggested I attend a short training, a crash course on the business domain. Our client is a huge chain of membership based library. The chain is a large one and they have libraries spread all over Europe and some countries in Asia too. They are using this popular library software from an established vendor who has increased the license cost to a great degree because of a lack of competition in the market. So, these guys want to develop their own product and they also are looking into the feasibility of an online service too, where similar to online shopping, people can order books online and they would be delivered to their doorstep at a slight extra cost. Who knew libraries made this much money?

What we have to do is give them a glimpse of the solution that we could come up with. They did not have a technical guy in their team until recently. This new person has very clear ideas on what is right and wrong and nothing else. He cannot come up with a solution and architect it. But he keeps wanting better.

I had to get better. I just am not finding any training that can be arranged within a week. I still am at it though.

‘Hello Priya.’

‘Hi Shan. How are things?’

He nods and of course smirk-smiles. ‘Well, you know how things are.’

He is part of some of the catch up meetings, so he knows the pain too. He puts a print out in front of me. It shows a mail he has sent to a friend requesting him for some knowledge on the whole library domain. The friend agrees to help him out. So Shan has forwarded this to a couple of the big heads and they asked to verify this friend’s credentials and finally they give a go for an immediate session. He has printed this out for the admin team in our company so that we get resources required for this session.

‘Oh Shan. You are a life saver. When is it?’

‘Now. We should go now. Sukanya and a couple of guys from the sales team will join too.’.

The session starts without any nonsense. Shan’s friend Venkat aka Venki is quite knowledgeable. We have a lot of questions and he helps with them all. He has quite some experience on this field and he has been part of a software development team for a similar kind of solution. He even offers to help us with the actual solutioning. We all finally get excited having found something in the right direction.

At the end of the session Venki comes to Shan and Shan introduces me. Venki is definitely quite older than Shan but he is impressive, his knowledge and experience is pretty impressive.

‘You were the one who had the least questions. Either you are a good listener or you know everything.’

I laugh. ‘Good listener. I am a clean slate on this, so I was only listening.’

‘Don’t hesitate to ask anything at all. Don’t let the likes of Shan bully you into delivering something that you are not happy with.’, he says good naturedly and walks of.

I look at Shan. ‘Everyone knows you are a bully’. I smile.

‘He was one of the guest lecturers at my business school.’. I get the message, Venki can call him a bully, not me. I thought we had a truce.

‘Come on Shan. You can’t blame me for just pointing out the obvious.’

Before he says anything, Sukanya interrupts us.

‘Oh good, both of you are here. We have just got a message from the sales team. We need to make a pitch in a week. Priya, we need some solution modeling and Shan, they want a resource plan we have to start with budgeting as well’.

She gets a call. ‘I have to take this. I need to explain the idiots from sales team why we can’t do all this in a week without an actual expert and hope to have a decent pitch’. She just walks off, angry.

‘We are going to be working a lot. Let’s catch up in an hour. We need to come up with a plan. This is just brilliant. We are going to have a very long week’, Shan says. He looks like he doesn’t like this at all.

‘We have to have a plan in place by today Priya. Let us meet in five minutes.’, he says and walks off.

Sukanya comes back to inform us we have ten days but Shan feels that is still going to be brutal on us. I mentally prepare myself.

I get a call, my phone wasn’t in silence so I just answer it, not wanting every eye in the room on me. It is Karthik.

‘Hi Priya.’, he says, his voice warm.

‘Hi Karthik. Watsup’

‘Where are you Priya?’

‘At work. I…’

‘You seem to be working late today too. Should I come and pick you up? I will be there in half hour’.

What? A person should be asked for a date, not commanded into one. A person should be asked if they are busy and if they will be available in half hour. Given my current state of mind, I get irritated instantly. But I tamp it down.

‘Sorry Karthik! I am pretty busy. I don’t think I can do this today’.

‘Ohhh.. Okay. Give me a call when you can’, his voice sounds neutral, void. Was he trying to hide his disappointment? I move further away from the gang. Well, I have waited quite a number of times for people to finish conversations with someone that could not, would not wait.

‘Karthik! I want to see you too. But today is really not good, I have loads of work’, my voice sounds very placating, almost a need, a plead. Who? Me?

‘Ok ok. I understand’. He pauses; at least his voice isn’t void this time. ‘Okay Priya. Give me a call when you are free.’

‘Sure Karthik. I will do. I gotta go now…’, I see Sukanya pacing.  Karthik sighs.

‘Priya? Call me even if you are not free okay?’,he says and hangs up. I try not to smile like a besotted idiot in front of everyone. I walk back to the gang.

Sukanya walks away, pointing at the room ahead. I start to the room. Shan steps in with me.

‘Was that Karthik you spoke to? My friend Karthik? You guys talk now?’.

Uh oh. This thought never entered my mind. ‘Ummm.. Yeah Shan. It is.’.

Shan shakes his head. ‘I always thought he was the most sensible…’. Okay, so talking to me is senseless? I try my I-can-kill-you-then-dance-on-your-blood-and-laugh look on Shan. He just shrugs, his face looking surprised probably shocked.

We meet, we plan. It ends with me having a lot of work for the next ten days. I start from office. I think about calling Karthik. But seeing it is almost ten in the night, I don’t. I call a cab and leave. I am so tired, I almost sleep in the cab. I reach home. I think of my bed and the cozy sheets. Man, am I sleepy. I open the door, walk in, to hear voices and loud laughs.

It is Anitha sitting on what seems like stacked pillows on the floor. I need more furniture. I see Karthik on the couch. Ohhhhh.

Link to previous episodes : Episode 1  Episode 2  Episode 3  Episode 4  Episode 5  Episode 6  Episode 7  Episode 8 Episode 9 Episode 10 Episode 11

Episode 11

‘Priya, where are we on the first item? I hope we are on track.’, Sukanya asks standing in front of my cubicle.

So far today has been a long and tiring day and it isn't yet over. Our client had unceremoniously asked us to rework on the presentations so far. This has been considered as a bad thing and the sales team is pressurizing the technical team. There was a round of blame game and finally action items were proposed. I have been at it without any break. Sukanya had followed up on this once already, even though I have a week to do this. Talk about micro management. I smile, trying to make the smile indulging like you would smile at a child or some adults whom you don’t want to show your irritation to but would want to show them that they are over-doing it. I can be polite.

‘Yes, it is going fine. I will let you know if I need anything’.

‘Make sure that if anything, anything at all you come to me immediately.’

I nod. I understand that she is under pressure. This is how my day has been going. Shan dropped by a couple of times asking about status or progress and now Sukanya. I had already spent a lot of time in meetings. I am not capable of superhuman speed. But I understand; there is pressure.

I haven’t done anything critical so far, I had felt my work was not important. Maybe that was the whole problem here. I am someone who needs to be convinced that what I work on has a greater impact. If I am not convinced of that, I am unhappy. Very possible.

I am still at work and it is quite late, almost nine p.m. My parents had called a couple of times. Aditya asked if I would join them for dinner. Well, it has been a couple of days since Anitha and Naren declared they are on a break. They did not break up, they are on a break. In fact, Naren wants to restart the relationship. After a few days, he is going to ask her out again and start over , second attempt and all that. But after a couple of interactions with Naren, I decide to maintain a distance. Vivek tells me a week should be fine for him to start acting normally, because, he would definitely ask Anitha out in a week. So I am not to be in his vicinity now, especially since Anitha hangs out with me now. She even stayed over both the nights. Being on a break can cause awkwardness too somehow.

Well, they both know they like each other. Why go through the initial stage again? Naren’s brilliant idea! Anitha is okay with this. If it had been me, just the effort to restart things would have made me incline towards break up. Aside from the heart break and associated pain, post break-up time is like recovery time post-surgery. People treated you with kid gloves and you get to abuse their kindness and pamper yourself in all possible ways.

Well, I can find a positive side to anything can’t I?

Finding myself distracted, I decide to leave. I call up and book a cab to go home and start wrapping things up. I get a call, it could only be the cab driver, I don’t even see the display, and I take the call and start talking.

‘I will be down the gate in five minutes’.

‘Priya?’.

The voice on the other side is not a voice I would forget. I did try to forget, but I am obsessive.

I decide for some unknown reason to play the ignorant, maybe it makes me feel safe.

‘Yeah. Who is this? Cab right?’.

There is a pause. ‘This is Karthik, as I am sure you know.’

‘Oh, hi Karthik.’, I ignore his statement.

I can hear the smile in his voice when he speaks next.

‘So you are going to pretend you really did not recognize my voice?’

‘No, I – ’

I get cut short.

‘What are you doing now? Where are you? I was wondering if you wanted to meet me for dinner?’

‘What?’, I am not kidding when I say my entire being is shying away from meeting him. I am still embarrassed. A girl is supposed to be subtle in her signals. My mind conveniently conjures up a third person view of Karthik and me on my doorstep.

‘Are you free now? Sorry, I know it is late. But I have been really busy.’

‘Karthik, I am still at work. I - ’

‘No problem, I can pick you up. Give me fifteen minutes’

Before I can say anything, he hangs up. The nerve! I call back, he doesn’t pick up. Damn.

I call again. No answer.

The cab guy calls, instinctively, I tell him I am not going to be able to make it and listen to what he thought about people who change their mind in the last minute after making him drive all the way.

I rush to the wash room. I look tired. I try freshening up. I do not carry perfume with me to work; I should add that to my small collection of touch-up kit. I still look tired. Well, that’s that. This mirror only reflects.

Karthik calls me and we decide to meet at the gate. I have to lug along my laptop and all that and this is probably a date. I actually rush and when I near the gate I decide to not look too eager and start to walk slowly.

He stands leaning on his car, his hands folded on his chest in a light shirt probably blue or gray with some dark pants probably navy blue or black, both only lightly crinkled or that is how it looks in the dark against the yellow light on the street. I walk to him and say ‘Hi!’.

He smiles. Opens the passenger door for me and then silently moves to the other side. Okay, silently chivalrous is our Karthik.

‘Any preference?’, he asks getting in and starting. Assuming he asks about a restaurant, I shake my head and shrug for more emphasis. Awkward silence follows. I occupy myself looking out the window. Maybe not a date, he is going to give me a piece of his mind about what he thought of my little act the other day after dumping him for no good reason.

After a few minutes of me alternating between looking at him and the window, he stops and parks near an Italian cuisine restaurant that looks good from the outside.

He asks me to leave my laptop in the car and we walk in silence to the restaurant which has slightly muted lighting and romantic music blending into the background. It is a date then, right?

We wait till we are served water and asked about a drink. He orders some soda. I am happy with water.

‘How have you been?’, Karthik asks.

‘Umm.. ya good. And you?’.   

He nods. ‘I have been really busy Priya. I had to travel back last Sunday and I have been swamped. I came here morning today.’

‘Ohh..’, is that his way of saying he couldn’t call or text? I expect an apology actually.

He looks at me, shakes his head as if something occurred to him and smiles.

‘Sorry Priya. I couldn’t call you or text. I did not want to, when I was really occupied’.

Good boy. ‘That’s okay. I understand.’.

A menu is shoved at my nose at this point, I am least interested, I open the menu and order the first thing that catches my eye, some sort of pasta. I am not very interested in eating right now. He orders a Caprese salad. Damn, he orders salad and I order pasta. But he asks for a soda refill. Okay, maybe I am not such a glutton. 

‘You had to make me apologize isn’t it.’

Well duh! ‘Nuh.. Nothing like that’

He shakes his head.

‘Okay, yeah. I deserved an apology. Since you were busy, I accept the apologies’.

He smiles, a beautiful smile, announcing he is satisfied that he guessed right.

‘I haven’t stopped thinking about you, you know. I had to see you.’

Ohhh… So direct. My brain experiences a short circuit. I blink. I just look at him.

‘I had to see if I imagined the whole thing the other day. I had to remind myself again.’

Phew. This guy is killing me. I continue to look at him.

‘What? Nothing to say? I assumed you would like a direct approach. You seem like someone who appreciates directness’. He frowns ever so slightly.

I do prefer directness. But this, this is something else.

‘You look shocked. As if you have never heard someone say anything like this to you’. He pauses and a mischievous look enters his eyes. ‘I get it. You do not have any experience in this’. The note in his voice is a disbelief mingled with amusement. Why my long lasting status of singledom amuses him, I would never know.

I clear my throat. ‘In this?’, I ask finally. Which this?

‘You know, dating’, he makes the word dating sound scandalous. Apparently, it will feel that way to the very inexperienced me. Well, at least I am sure now that I am on a date.

The food arrives and I stay silent waiting for the waiter to serve and leave.

‘Does that make you feel better? Perhaps, my inexperience makes you confident, I won't mind boosting it a little bit for you.', although I say this, I know that the problem with him is over-confidence, my fault too.

‘Ahhh.. I am confident enough to impress anyone with any amount of confidence.’, he smiles with complete certainty. ‘And you, I won’t have any problem impressing you’.

 The arrogant show off!

‘Right. For a minute there you had me fooled. You had me thinking, what a modestly chivalrous gentleman’.

‘Oh, I am not. At all’.

‘Figures. You are arrogant, bossy, with a bloated head…’, I could have gone on.

‘You are spoiled, air-headed, have such a feeling of entitlement..’, apparently, he could go on too.

We both laugh, what a foundation we lay down.

‘I have been busy too you know’, I tell him, also changing the subject.

‘Shan tells me what a professional you are’, he says with a heavy dose of sarcasm. I snort. 'Shan wouldn't know what that word means'.

This is how our conversation went, verbal sparring and meaningless arguments. We both knew what strangers did not know about each other. We did not know any more than what you know about someone you know of.

The dinner ended much quickly than I would have liked and we continued our talk until we reached my home. He asks a lot of questions about me. I answer, I don't ask him much. We reach. He again says he will accompany me to my apartment. He tries to take my laptop bag and I don’t allow him to.

We reach my apartment floor; I see Anitha waiting outside, leaning against my door, engrossed in her phone. It is almost eleven p.m. She has a duffel bag with her. She looks up at me.

‘I just got here, I am texting you to ask when you will be here.’, she says, waving her phone.

I turn to look at Karthik. ‘This is Anitha’, I tell him pointing at her with my hand.

‘This is Karthik’, I tell Anitha, although she knew.

‘Oh I know.’, she offers her hand and he shakes it. ‘Do you wanna come in?’, she asks him.

Okay, she is waiting outside my door for me. It clearly implies that this is not her apartment. I don’t think she should be inviting people in. I give her a look.

‘Okay, I have put Priya in a spot. Consider my welcome withdrawn’, she says to Karthik. Damn.

Karthik smiles, looks at me, ‘Goodnight Priya.’, he says. ‘I will call you’, gives me a half hug. ‘Bye Anitha, nice meeting you’, he says and leaves.

I drop my laptop bag to the floor and lean against the wall to catch a breath.

‘Tell me everything’, says Anitha. I simply open the door and walk in.

Link to previous episodes : Episode 1  Episode 2  Episode 3  Episode 4  Episode 5  Episode 6  Episode 7  Episode 8 Episode 9 Episode 10

Episode 10

‘Mom, how do you know I met Karthik?’, I had to know the field if I had to get away with this.

‘Vishnu saw you in some restaurant yesterday. I remembered you were giving a treat to your friends. Vishnu told his brother, who told his mother. She called me today’. Vishnu is my cousin. A cousin not an aunt, I can work with that; he did not see me at a restaurant, I can work very well with that.

‘Ohh.. I did not see Vishnu though. And Karthik…We sort of bumped into each other. He was there at the restaurant too. Soo..’.

‘Oh is it? How is he?’. Why does she want to know that?

‘Dunno mom. It was awkward. We just said Hi.. that’s all.’

‘Is it.. What did he say? Any idea..’

‘Okay, I gotta go!’, I cut her short. No idea where she was going with this.

‘Ok ok. Try to come home okay? Bye bye ’, she hung up. Thank God it was Vishnu who saw us. Why did Vishnu have to tell people what he saw? Idiot.

Anitha is looking at me, ‘How does your mom know already?’.

‘No big. Handled.  So what is the plan? We order up some food?’.

‘Yup. I don’t want to go to my house’. So we order pizzas, sit around watching stuff on my laptop. After a little more than 25 minutes the pizza arrives. We both settle in with a small pizza each. Anitha decides to amuse herself in between bites by talking about me.

‘So, you came here to find yourself right? You wanted to do something?’, undue emphasis on yourself along with air quotes.

‘Ya?’

‘So how is living alone like?’

‘Ya.. It is fun. I am still getting used to it.’

‘Besides, we don’t let you alone at all.. do we?’

‘Ya, which is good. I don’t know what to do with all this time I have to myself. I can clean only so much, cook only so much…’.

‘That explains everything that I have to know about your cooking’, she points at the huge tomato sauce container and snorts, which in spite of me buying it after I moved, is almost half done. Okay, I don’t cook so much; I like easy food which has off-the-shelf tomato sauce as an important ingredient. I shrug.

‘So, are you anywhere near finding out what you want to do? That was the point right? It is less than a month I know. But, any clues yet?’.

‘Let me eat. This is a heavy topic for lunch’, if this excuse stands. I am guilty of not doing anything. Even though by my own admission, I have loads of time.

‘Come on. You always evade!’

Who? Me?

‘Well, if that is the best course of action, then that is the best course of action!’.

Anitha looks at me as if I have sprouted another head.

‘Okay, okay. I have not done anything serious. I admit. I have been so busy at work.’

‘So you do like your work?’.

‘No not really. I like what I have been doing recently. The proposal, the research and all that’.

‘Oh good. That is going to take a lot of time to be done isn’t it?’.

‘Ya, Sukanya says it usually takes at least 3-4 months for the client to decide. I have no idea how I got this opportunity. It is normally the senior geniuses that do this sort of thing. There has been a lot of attrition in my company and we lost a lot of important people in my group, maybe.. Anyways, this has been good’.

‘Sounds like you do find this interesting’. I nod. ‘So realize anything about yourself?’.

‘Maybe, it isn’t clear yet, it is on the way you know’.

‘Right!’, says Anitha. Right.

‘Okay, here it is. So far, I have been learning how to adjust. But I already have realized few things I did not know before’.

‘Like?’

‘I have been too self-centered. I look at you guys and... I am not sure I would have helped someone else like Naren or Vivek does. Naren helped me move in. He checks in with me every other day, says he is worried I am not taking care of myself. Vivek and Aditya or even you, I hardly know you guys, but…’

I see Anitha’s face take a look of desperation and realize it is because of me mentioning Naren’s name. ‘It will be fine Anitha. Naren is so different from what I remember him as. He won’t hurt you’, I move and touch her hand.

I hear the doorbell. I get up, go and open the door. It is Aditya. He walks in so fast and is agitated.

‘Hey Pri. You have to do something. Naren is not listening to anything I say. He cannot do this to Anitha. He is going to..’, he was too quick for me to stop him before he said anything that can cause any damage. But he sees Anitha and stops mid-sentence.

‘Oh, hi Anitha’, he attempts to smile.

‘What is it Aditya? What were you going to say?’, Anitha’s face is completely blank.

‘What can’t he do? What did he do or is thinking about doing?’.

‘No, no, nothing Anitha. He is just angry. He is talking non sense. Nothing is going to happen.’, I myself am not convinced. I am pretty sure where this is going. Anitha’s phone rings about that time. ‘Shit!’ says Aditya.

‘Naren’, she says and a very short time later, ‘Okay, give me fifteen minutes.’

‘Guys I have to go’, her face is blank still. I am pretty sure if I had heard something like this I will be either slapping him or holding him by his shirt collar, wailing and whimpering. He was about to say Naren is going to break up with Anitha.

Anitha moves calmly, we can hear her washing up in the kitchen. She even picked up her pizza box on the way which had almost half the pizza in it when she went into the kitchen. She probably dumped it in the dust bin.

She comes from the kitchen, waves her hand and walks off, closing the door behind her.

‘Shit’, says Aditya.

‘How am I supposed to know she will be here?’.

‘There is such a thing called phone you know’, I say and watch him whack himself on his forehead with the palm of his hand. ‘I didn’t carry my phone when I went after him.’

‘What happened?’

‘I don’t know how much Anitha told. Apparently, yesterday was a huge fight. Anitha asked him to decide if he wanted this relationship or not. So today morning when I came home, he was sitting on the sofa looking like he hadn’t slept the night and told me he has decided. He didn’t tell me what. He goes showers, cooks, eats with me and then dresses up. I ask him again and he says he is thinking if he should end it with her. Then just leaves the house. I thought he was going to Anitha’s place.’.

He must have.

‘I knew there was a fight, I was there. I did not know it was this serious.’ This sort of explains Anitha’s presence here. We almost always hung out with the guys; I have never seen her alone.

‘They cannot break up Priya. It is ridiculous. They just can’t break up. They fought a lot, but always got back together.’

They fought? I did not know that.

‘Well, if they break up, they break up. I am not sure what we can do about this. If they are fundamentally different, then not much can be done.’

We are both sitting on the couch. I had stopped eating the pizza so Aditya helped himself to it.

‘Where were you last night? Where is Vivek?’

‘I was helping out a friend yesterday, there was a recruitment drive. One candidate who had come for the interview collapsed right there and we had to take him to a hospital. We did not have his information or whom to contact or anything. So we had to wait until he was awake…’, he closes his eyes as if to clear his vision.

‘That sucks. Is he alright now?’. He nods. He looks tired.

‘I just helped the recruitment team for a friend. No idea it was this tough.’, he says rubbing his eyes with one hand and stretching his back.

‘Vivek?’

‘He probably found some interesting problem or solution at work and is working on it and sleeping there’. The way he said it, looks like Vivek does this often.

Aditya eats in silence. I get him water to drink. I keep thinking about Anitha and Naren. I don’t know how their past was, they didn’t seem like some couple who were about to break up.

‘You need to sleep I guess’

He just nods and closes his eyes sitting on the couch, leaning back to rest his head. Okay. That’s that. He can totally sleep here. I allow it.

I see Aditya trying to rest properly so I get off the couch and move one of the cushions for him to use as a pillow, he immediately goes from sitting down to lying down. I have never had anyone in my house much. People came and left soon, I am here alone or I hang out at Naren’s place. This feels a little weird. Wait, in fact, I have never hung out alone with anyone, it was always in a group. Well, whatever. Since I don’t have any other furniture, I sit down on the floor. I should probably get a couple of chairs.

I am trying to ignore a corner of my mind that keeps prompting me to text a specific someone. I go to the recent calls and keep staring at his number as if willing him to make contact. I am not going to do anything now; I should probably not do anything about this ever. As diversion, I start clearing things out of the coffee table. The table isn’t big, it is in fact small, and there wasn’t much to clear. It gets over in no time. I cannot get back to obsessing about anyone, so I get my laptop and browse pointlessly.

I pick up my phone again after sometime and unlock the screen. There are four text messages.

I try not to get excited. This would mostly be from my bank or some retail shops’ loyalty program advertising some promotional campaign. Two texts were from such ads, one from Sukanya – Be there at work by 8 tomorrow, check mail, need to rework on the solution.

How very elaborate and social? I sigh.

The last one is from an unknown number; I tap the message with anticipation; at the same time I feel guilty thinking about Anitha. The message reads -

Free scalp test. Best dandruff treatments. Contact immediately for free consultation.

Brilliant! I better check mail and get ready for tomorrow’s early meeting. 

Link to previous episodes : Episode 1  Episode 2  Episode 3  Episode 4  Episode 5  Episode 6  Episode 7  Episode 8 Episode 9

Episode 9

There are multiple things wrong with what I had just done. Did I just blatantly hit on him? Is this kind of behavior allowed normally? It was just a thanks right, even though I could smell him and probably hear his pulse while I said that?

I am getting ready for bed and I am counting the reasons why this is wrong.

One – Karthik is very bossy at times, it might not work out, even if something were to happen.

Two – Karthik is into research, I might not be fine with that.

Three – Karthik is in a way too good to be true. Okay, in many ways.

Four – It doesn’t matter what Karthik is or isn't. I did something totally stupid. Why stupid? It just is!

Five – I dumped him sometime back for no apparent reason, rekindling any portion of the non-existing relationship has more negatives.

Six – It’s just him. He is really not that irresistible. I should have resisted whatever came over me.

So it goes on like this. What really flummoxes me is that I had no plans of openly showing any signs of me liking Karthik. Wait a minute, I haven’t yet admitted it to myself. But we are sort of beyond the admission phase aren’t we?

So I start counting why this isn’t a big deal and hopefully doesn’t end up appearing as if I was coming on to him or whatever.

One – I did not kiss him or anything. Just a whisper, maybe I didn’t want to thank him loudly because of my huge ego, so it isn’t a sign or anything.

Two – I am not going to see him again probably. So no biggie!

Three – He doesn’t know me, so he could think I am an insane person who has a different concept of personal space.

Four – He could also think I am too suave that me whispering close to his ears in a dizzy state is an everyday everybody act.

The list goes on again and I could find lot of pros and cons. Finally, I fall asleep thinking of Karthik and his ear.

I wake up almost in the afternoon. I make coffee. There is some nagging feeling in my mind that I have forgotten something important other than the whole Karthik episode when I sit down with my coffee and switch on my laptop to watch something.

I think for a few minutes and give up. I have a very mild head ache and I don’t have plans of aggravating it. My door bell rings.

I get up, open the door. It is Anitha on the other side, I smile enthusiastically, and suddenly I remember. I was abandoned yesterday. I try stopping the smile right away, it might have looked bad.

‘I was hoping you would have gotten over it by now’, she says. Get over being abandoned and left to panic? In a party at midnight? Right! I decide to be mean. I am still a bit irritated and angry.

‘Ohh, so you remember me is it? That is good to know, I was wondering if I had become invisible all of a sudden.’

‘Sorryyyyyyyyyy.. Sorry Pri, yesterday was not a good day.’

‘Right! Tell me about it.’. She normally calls me Priya.

‘Your friend was being a complete ass hole’, she sounded angry too. I want her to feel bad. I just look at her sternly while she continues. ‘Why did you leave? Do you know how panicked I got?’

‘I texted you’, uh-oh. I shouldn’t have left. I knew it.

She sighs. ‘Priya, thanks for texting. Okay, you are justified in your anger.’

I sigh too. I let her in. ‘Hmmmm’, I say. ‘I don’t know. I really panicked, I should be angry’. I start walking to the kitchen.

‘If you want to be angry on anyone, be angry on Naren’. She really sounds angry.

I start making coffee for her. She doesn’t stop me. ‘What was up with you guys yesterday? Jeez!’.

She stays quiet for some time. I do too.

‘Naren can get a little controlling at times. I don’t like it and I probably don’t express it properly.’.

‘Ohhhh… Naren? Controlling? Really?’

‘Yep. When I was just friends with him, I thought he was the coolest guy on earth.’ She sighs, a lot of sighing from her.

‘What happened yesterday? If you don’t mind telling me…’

‘Who else can I tell to? My roommate thinks he is right!’. I don’t say anything. My head starts to throb ever so minutely. But I ignore it. Coffee should help.

‘He did not like the dress I wore yesterday.’

Uh-oh. Her dress was brilliant. I loved her look. Is Naren insecure? Somehow the uber-confident, arrogant jerk I remember from college doesn’t fit this description. I did not know what to say to that.

‘This is not the first time. There have been many a time when he asked me to change my outfit or tone it down... I have done it in the past. I did not like it. But I did it. Yesterday I was so happy with myself, I was waiting for him to take one look at me and go crazy.’.

She sips her coffee for a few seconds and smiles. ‘He did go crazy, but not in a good way. He wanted me to change. I kept saying no teasingly, lightly first. He started insisting, my resolve increased. We started arguing. He had gifted me a dress for my birthday. He wanted me to wear it. It is a good dress, just not right for the occasion. He refused to accept this explanation.’

‘Naren? Really?’, I just can’t believe it. She nods.

‘I asked him why, he said he just didn’t like it. So I argued more, a lot more. It went on until Aditya called informing he can’t come. We finally realized you will be waiting and I rushed out not waiting for him. I was pissed off.’

‘I thought this will die down as the night went. Then he saw you and matters got worse’.

‘Me? I felt very underdressed after seeing you actually.’. I hope that helps.

‘Yep. He…. Sorry, I don’t mean to drag you into this. He wants me to be understated too. That’s just not me. I like flash. I like knowing I am not ignorable. I don’t know what it says about me, but I like to be noticed. I don’t want to be noticed by specific people you know, I just like feeling it. I don’t know if you get it…’

I get it. I nod. I feel she did the right thing not letting him decide what she wore. That could just be a start. Dressing up is one’s personal choice. I tell her as much. She sits on the sofa in my living room, knees drawn up, the coffee cup that she holds with both hands resting on her knees. She looks tired. She is normally a very lively, animated person. I don’t remember ever thinking of her as understated.

‘I don’t know what I should do. My roommate thinks I shouldn’t do things if he doesn’t like… She thinks he would do the same for me… But you know, I wouldn’t want him to change’

I only knew her roommate’s name. I don’t like her already. And wow. She liked or loved him as is or mostly as is.

‘I am no expert. Looks to me that you should have a serious talk with him once both of you have cooled down.’

She nods, stays silent for a long time and finally says, ‘Anyways, that’s that. So tell me. How did you come home?’. I tell her. I tell her everything.

‘When you said you called Shan, I thought you might be into him. But poor Karthik! What did he do to you?’.

She laughs. Right.

‘What’s so funny…’.

‘I haven’t seen him, but with the image you painted I imagine him looking down at you with disgust and disbelief.’ She laughs some more.

Did he? I don’t know, I did not stay to see his reaction.

‘I don’t know. He might have. Who knows? I am always running from him for stupid things that I do. Why does this happen to me?? Why??’.  I am freshly embarrassed. Fresh after a sleep, I feel as if I have done something totally unacceptable.

‘So I leaned close to him and said thanks. Lots of people do it.’

‘Ya ya. Handshake is just abnormal.’ , she gives her usual snort. Anitha going few minutes without an appropriate snort is a rarity. She actually has different types of snort.

Shan and Anitha should meet. They can smirk and snort at me all for my entertainment.

‘Shan… Shan is crazy! Who calls one’s previously betrothed to rescue one on embarrassing situations?’

‘Who calls one’s manager when they are drunk and in a disco?’, she imitates my outraged tone.

Okay. She had a point. I look at her as if I did not get her. She snorts again.

‘You should call him’, she says.

‘Ya, and thank him for helping and blast him for sending that friend of his’.

‘I meant, you should call Karthik. Don’t you wanna know if he looked down at you with disgust or looked back at you with longing?’, she wags her eye brows up and down.

‘I thought you were sad. Lets talk about Naren’

‘Naaaa.. Naren is not the new kid’.

‘Karthik is not new. He is older than me. He is also not a kid’.

Anitha made a big production of shooting herself with her right hand index and middle finger to her forehead and gagging in a pool of blood. Apparently my joke wasn't a joke. How does one gag when one is not shot at one’s neck? Anyways, I control the urge of showing her one particular finger of mine. Instead I look at her as if she is a silly little thing doing silly little things. She laughs, laughs on my face.

‘Call him Pri. Call him!’.

Right at the moment my cell phone rings.

I run towards it. I had left it in the kitchen. Who is it?

I see the name on the display. It is my mom. I pick up.

‘Hi mom.’

‘Hi Pri. How are you? Have you had breakfast?’.

‘Yes mom. Am good. I had food. How about you?’

‘Ya ya’, she says, as if it is an obvious thing and I shouldn’t ask her this. ‘Can you come home today?’

‘Today? I have some work. I have to send something to Sukanya by today’. Yes, I lied.

‘Ohhh. That’s okay, come once you are done then. I am making adai in the evening today.’ It is one of my favorite dishes. Damn.

‘I will call you and confirm mom. I am not sure now.’

‘Ok Pri. No problem. Pri, one thing I heard..’

My mom hears a lot of things. ‘Yes mom, tell me’.

‘I heard you met Karthik yesterday. Is that true?’

Why? Why does this happen only to me? 

Link to previous episodes : Episode 1  Episode 2  Episode 3  Episode 4  Episode 5  Episode 6  Episode 7  Episode 8