Episode 9

There are multiple things wrong with what I had just done. Did I just blatantly hit on him? Is this kind of behavior allowed normally? It was just a thanks right, even though I could smell him and probably hear his pulse while I said that?

I am getting ready for bed and I am counting the reasons why this is wrong.

One – Karthik is very bossy at times, it might not work out, even if something were to happen.

Two – Karthik is into research, I might not be fine with that.

Three – Karthik is in a way too good to be true. Okay, in many ways.

Four – It doesn’t matter what Karthik is or isn't. I did something totally stupid. Why stupid? It just is!

Five – I dumped him sometime back for no apparent reason, rekindling any portion of the non-existing relationship has more negatives.

Six – It’s just him. He is really not that irresistible. I should have resisted whatever came over me.

So it goes on like this. What really flummoxes me is that I had no plans of openly showing any signs of me liking Karthik. Wait a minute, I haven’t yet admitted it to myself. But we are sort of beyond the admission phase aren’t we?

So I start counting why this isn’t a big deal and hopefully doesn’t end up appearing as if I was coming on to him or whatever.

One – I did not kiss him or anything. Just a whisper, maybe I didn’t want to thank him loudly because of my huge ego, so it isn’t a sign or anything.

Two – I am not going to see him again probably. So no biggie!

Three – He doesn’t know me, so he could think I am an insane person who has a different concept of personal space.

Four – He could also think I am too suave that me whispering close to his ears in a dizzy state is an everyday everybody act.

The list goes on again and I could find lot of pros and cons. Finally, I fall asleep thinking of Karthik and his ear.

I wake up almost in the afternoon. I make coffee. There is some nagging feeling in my mind that I have forgotten something important other than the whole Karthik episode when I sit down with my coffee and switch on my laptop to watch something.

I think for a few minutes and give up. I have a very mild head ache and I don’t have plans of aggravating it. My door bell rings.

I get up, open the door. It is Anitha on the other side, I smile enthusiastically, and suddenly I remember. I was abandoned yesterday. I try stopping the smile right away, it might have looked bad.

‘I was hoping you would have gotten over it by now’, she says. Get over being abandoned and left to panic? In a party at midnight? Right! I decide to be mean. I am still a bit irritated and angry.

‘Ohh, so you remember me is it? That is good to know, I was wondering if I had become invisible all of a sudden.’

‘Sorryyyyyyyyyy.. Sorry Pri, yesterday was not a good day.’

‘Right! Tell me about it.’. She normally calls me Priya.

‘Your friend was being a complete ass hole’, she sounded angry too. I want her to feel bad. I just look at her sternly while she continues. ‘Why did you leave? Do you know how panicked I got?’

‘I texted you’, uh-oh. I shouldn’t have left. I knew it.

She sighs. ‘Priya, thanks for texting. Okay, you are justified in your anger.’

I sigh too. I let her in. ‘Hmmmm’, I say. ‘I don’t know. I really panicked, I should be angry’. I start walking to the kitchen.

‘If you want to be angry on anyone, be angry on Naren’. She really sounds angry.

I start making coffee for her. She doesn’t stop me. ‘What was up with you guys yesterday? Jeez!’.

She stays quiet for some time. I do too.

‘Naren can get a little controlling at times. I don’t like it and I probably don’t express it properly.’.

‘Ohhhh… Naren? Controlling? Really?’

‘Yep. When I was just friends with him, I thought he was the coolest guy on earth.’ She sighs, a lot of sighing from her.

‘What happened yesterday? If you don’t mind telling me…’

‘Who else can I tell to? My roommate thinks he is right!’. I don’t say anything. My head starts to throb ever so minutely. But I ignore it. Coffee should help.

‘He did not like the dress I wore yesterday.’

Uh-oh. Her dress was brilliant. I loved her look. Is Naren insecure? Somehow the uber-confident, arrogant jerk I remember from college doesn’t fit this description. I did not know what to say to that.

‘This is not the first time. There have been many a time when he asked me to change my outfit or tone it down... I have done it in the past. I did not like it. But I did it. Yesterday I was so happy with myself, I was waiting for him to take one look at me and go crazy.’.

She sips her coffee for a few seconds and smiles. ‘He did go crazy, but not in a good way. He wanted me to change. I kept saying no teasingly, lightly first. He started insisting, my resolve increased. We started arguing. He had gifted me a dress for my birthday. He wanted me to wear it. It is a good dress, just not right for the occasion. He refused to accept this explanation.’

‘Naren? Really?’, I just can’t believe it. She nods.

‘I asked him why, he said he just didn’t like it. So I argued more, a lot more. It went on until Aditya called informing he can’t come. We finally realized you will be waiting and I rushed out not waiting for him. I was pissed off.’

‘I thought this will die down as the night went. Then he saw you and matters got worse’.

‘Me? I felt very underdressed after seeing you actually.’. I hope that helps.

‘Yep. He…. Sorry, I don’t mean to drag you into this. He wants me to be understated too. That’s just not me. I like flash. I like knowing I am not ignorable. I don’t know what it says about me, but I like to be noticed. I don’t want to be noticed by specific people you know, I just like feeling it. I don’t know if you get it…’

I get it. I nod. I feel she did the right thing not letting him decide what she wore. That could just be a start. Dressing up is one’s personal choice. I tell her as much. She sits on the sofa in my living room, knees drawn up, the coffee cup that she holds with both hands resting on her knees. She looks tired. She is normally a very lively, animated person. I don’t remember ever thinking of her as understated.

‘I don’t know what I should do. My roommate thinks I shouldn’t do things if he doesn’t like… She thinks he would do the same for me… But you know, I wouldn’t want him to change’

I only knew her roommate’s name. I don’t like her already. And wow. She liked or loved him as is or mostly as is.

‘I am no expert. Looks to me that you should have a serious talk with him once both of you have cooled down.’

She nods, stays silent for a long time and finally says, ‘Anyways, that’s that. So tell me. How did you come home?’. I tell her. I tell her everything.

‘When you said you called Shan, I thought you might be into him. But poor Karthik! What did he do to you?’.

She laughs. Right.

‘What’s so funny…’.

‘I haven’t seen him, but with the image you painted I imagine him looking down at you with disgust and disbelief.’ She laughs some more.

Did he? I don’t know, I did not stay to see his reaction.

‘I don’t know. He might have. Who knows? I am always running from him for stupid things that I do. Why does this happen to me?? Why??’.  I am freshly embarrassed. Fresh after a sleep, I feel as if I have done something totally unacceptable.

‘So I leaned close to him and said thanks. Lots of people do it.’

‘Ya ya. Handshake is just abnormal.’ , she gives her usual snort. Anitha going few minutes without an appropriate snort is a rarity. She actually has different types of snort.

Shan and Anitha should meet. They can smirk and snort at me all for my entertainment.

‘Shan… Shan is crazy! Who calls one’s previously betrothed to rescue one on embarrassing situations?’

‘Who calls one’s manager when they are drunk and in a disco?’, she imitates my outraged tone.

Okay. She had a point. I look at her as if I did not get her. She snorts again.

‘You should call him’, she says.

‘Ya, and thank him for helping and blast him for sending that friend of his’.

‘I meant, you should call Karthik. Don’t you wanna know if he looked down at you with disgust or looked back at you with longing?’, she wags her eye brows up and down.

‘I thought you were sad. Lets talk about Naren’

‘Naaaa.. Naren is not the new kid’.

‘Karthik is not new. He is older than me. He is also not a kid’.

Anitha made a big production of shooting herself with her right hand index and middle finger to her forehead and gagging in a pool of blood. Apparently my joke wasn't a joke. How does one gag when one is not shot at one’s neck? Anyways, I control the urge of showing her one particular finger of mine. Instead I look at her as if she is a silly little thing doing silly little things. She laughs, laughs on my face.

‘Call him Pri. Call him!’.

Right at the moment my cell phone rings.

I run towards it. I had left it in the kitchen. Who is it?

I see the name on the display. It is my mom. I pick up.

‘Hi mom.’

‘Hi Pri. How are you? Have you had breakfast?’.

‘Yes mom. Am good. I had food. How about you?’

‘Ya ya’, she says, as if it is an obvious thing and I shouldn’t ask her this. ‘Can you come home today?’

‘Today? I have some work. I have to send something to Sukanya by today’. Yes, I lied.

‘Ohhh. That’s okay, come once you are done then. I am making adai in the evening today.’ It is one of my favorite dishes. Damn.

‘I will call you and confirm mom. I am not sure now.’

‘Ok Pri. No problem. Pri, one thing I heard..’

My mom hears a lot of things. ‘Yes mom, tell me’.

‘I heard you met Karthik yesterday. Is that true?’

Why? Why does this happen only to me? 

Link to previous episodes : Episode 1  Episode 2  Episode 3  Episode 4  Episode 5  Episode 6  Episode 7  Episode 8