Episode 13

Sometimes things are so stagnant that something as trivial as a holiday on a work day feels like a rare boon, falling sick seems an interesting change of routine. Sometimes, things move so fast you don’t realize much less know what is happening. You pause to take a breath and you realize, what the hell has been happening? The answer to that question is not always a good one. Well what can ya do?

I stand in the threshold of my home unsure what do I do. Do I like Karthik? Hell, yes. Would I like to see where this thing between us is going? Of course. Am I thrilled with the direction things are taking? Definitely. Am I fine with the pace with which things are moving? Ummm… not so sure. I would date him, yes. I would like to see him two-three times a week, no, two is good for me. I did not predict anything in the foreseeable future where he sits on my couch looking like he has done this all the time, talking to my roommate all be it a temporary one. I panic. I try not to show it and try taking deep breaths.

I walk in suddenly, say hi to both of them and rush to my room. I spend some time in the bathroom calming down, clean myself up. I change into comfortable clothes, an oversized tee and super huge harem pants; yes, I am going for the most natural look, possibly scary, if he is unimpressed, good. I tie up my hair in a messy knot on the top of my head. I hope this scares him good. Okay, I know I am doing a stupid thing, but this is how I am going to deal this. So am a coward, sue me!

I step out, brace myself and plaster a smile on my face. I can do it. I can trick someone into falling out of… out of what? Love? Naaa… Interest maybe…

‘Guys, you had dinner? Hope you saved some for me. I am starving’.

Anitha takes note of my attire. She gives a disapproving shake of her head, her mouth turning down. I try to avoid looking directly into Karthik’s eyes. No clue why. I discretely try to gauge Karthik’s reaction. After the initial shock or surprise, I am unable to decipher which, he seems fine. Damn.

‘Karthik. Am so tired Karthik, loads of work. So late already. What are you doing here Karthik?’. Do I sound as nervous as I feel? Probably. Karthik raises his left eye brow at me. He doesn’t answer me though.

‘We are waiting for you Priya. Anitha cooked something Chinese that smelled divine. Something tells me, she is the cook in here?’, he goes on, as if what I ask doesn’t matter.

I nod. ‘Yes. I hate cooking. I am not a fan. I like eating though..’.

Anitha decides to join the conversation. ‘Good thing she hates it, if she loves it, you can’t tell her straight to the face that her cooking sucks’.

Karthik laughs.

‘Hey, my cooking doesn’t suck. It is okay. It is not good, doesn’t mean it is bad. There is a huge difference.’

‘Pri.. Why do you think the guys always invited you for dinner to their place? A sample of your cooking one day, and they decided better to feed you than be tortured!’.

The tall trio thought I cook that bad? I am indignant.

‘That isn’t fair. I haven’t cooked before’, I whine like a kid.

‘I suggest you don’t attempt hereafter either’, this from Anitha.

Karthik laughs again, like that is the funniest thing he has ever heard. I throw him a dirty look. I have been standing leaning against a wall in my living room. I have a lot of pillows, I go to find another stack.

I probably huffed and puffed, but I find my pillows, stack them in front of the coffee table and sit down. Since I don’t have a dining area, Anitha is laying out food on the coffee table. She has made some sort of noodles and the smell that wafts when she opens the hot pack is just mouthwatering.

She goes back into the kitchen to get plates and such and I take the opportunity to glare at Karthik.

He smiles, a very patronizing smile. He leans forward, drops his voice and says,

‘I would eat anything you cook. I might not survive it, but I still would’, he says. His voice is so low and his smile turns from patronizing to mischievous. He looks at the messy knot of hair pointedly and says, ‘You look interesting today’. He reaches out with much difficulty, picks a stray one from my messy hair that was floating irritatingly above my eye brow and tucks it behind my ear.

I try not to focus on the hair tuck thing. I can feel myself feeling content that he is interested even though I look like an unkempt nester. I look interesting? Before I can ask what he means by it, Anitha comes back carrying three plates, forks and spoons. I get up to bring a bottle of water and bring a glass. Glass is for Karthik, we don’t mind swigging from the bottle. So I pour him water and settle the bottle between us.

Karthik isn’t idle either. He starts serving the noodles onto the plates, placing medium sized portions on two and a large one for himself. Apparently, he has a lot of experience with feeding women. Hmph.

Karthik tastes and gives an “mmm” sound. ‘Anitha, this is good. This is very good.’

I stare at him. He looks at me and goes, ‘What? It is damn good.’

Don’t ask me why I do what I do next. I say in a very serious voice – ‘Hey, I can make Maggie. It tastes pretty damn good’.

Anitha was chewing her food and listening to me, starts choking and laughing at the same time. She cracks up so much she ends up coughing hard. Karthik is laughing and looking at me with open mirth. Well, I get angry naturally. I decide to look down and spend all my concentration on eating. Making readymade stuff is cooking too.

‘Is she always this funny?’, asks Karthik. Wouldn’t do to remind them I am still in the same room.

‘Oh ya. She is. Unintentional, but yeah’.

The traitorous little shit. I should ask her to move out. I humph unintentionally.

‘Some people don’t consider soaking readymade noodles in boiling water and watching it till it gets boiled as cooking, you know.’.

I am not one of those people. You use a pan, you have to measure water, you boil water, and you add noodles and the flavoring powder and stir. It is supposed to be done in two minutes, but does it ever? You have to simmer and stop at the right time. This isn’t cooking?

Of course, I don’t say it out aloud. ‘Well, you can’t make fun of me, not when you cannot prove whether you can cook worth a damn or not.’ I am pretty sure someone like Karthik has never even set foot inside the kitchen.

‘Oh that is easily rectified. I can cook for you.’, he looks at Anitha, smiles and says, ‘How about dinner tomorrow?’.

What? What did I get myself into?

‘You should do it tomorrow. I am traveling to my home town. You guys should totally do it.’. I look at Anitha, putting every ounce of energy I have into what I am sure is a death stare, I hope she gets incinerated. In another universe, may be.

‘Perfect’, Karthik says. ‘It is a date.’

Am I ever going to be asked on a date? This just sucks.

I eat in silence when the little rat, rats me out to Karthik. She takes great pleasure in telling him I am lazy, quoting examples, like the time I faked sickness when I was too lazy to even walk down to Naren’s apartment to eat food, hence making Aditya come carrying a box of food. I tried explaining I was feeling faintish, but nope, no one was willing to listen.

‘You have no idea. She sounds like she has a fever so high that even her voice is foggy. She coughed a couple of times into the phone. Later, she tells she feels faintish.. I mean, how can anyone be this lazy?’.

Karthik looks at me, something in his eyes tugs at me. He spoils the whole effect my laughing his butt off. ‘So you don’t act well either?’. Idiot.

I tune them out. I am a bit sleepy and tired. So tuning them out is easy. I finish eating, take my plate back to the kitchen, take my time leisurely washing and double washing it.

I come out and find Anitha gone, her plate on the coffee table. Karthik was done eating too.

‘She got a call. She went out to take it.’. Anitha and her tricks.

I come back to my stack of pillows. Karthik gets up from the couch and sits down on the floor in front of me. He reaches and pulls my hand into his.

‘I know what you are doing Priya.’.

Huh? How is that possible? ‘I am not doing anything’.

He smiles, his thumb drawing circles on my palm, he says, ‘I admit most of the time you are not predictable. But one thing I am sure of, as I have loads of experience facing it.’.

‘What are you sure of?’, my voice drips with skepticism. Also, am I unpredictable?  

His smile widens. ‘When you are not sure what to do, your reaction is to run first, think later.’

Wow. I can make an effort and get angry, doesn’t matter whether he is right or not. So I give him a look of scorn. He laughs.

‘And you fight back always, whether it makes sense or not’, his voice turns soft and sounds like a parent admiring a young kid’s stupid antiques just for being capable of doing it. This angers me more. I snatch back my hand.

‘You are the most infuriating person ever. You can’t call a person senseless to their face. That is just rude.’ In spite of me pointing it out, he throws back his head and laughs, a very full, throaty laugh. ‘So, just saying it is rude?’, he smiles tauntingly.

What the hell? ‘You should leave. It is late. Anitha can’t be over phone forever.’.

He looks surprised now. ‘Okay, okay. Truce.’

I just look at him. He takes my hand back.

‘Priya, I came here to tell you something important.’.

Ohhh.. ‘Okay, tell me’.

‘My office offered me a position back in Chennai. I am taking it. I am going to head all the new R&D.’

Oh nooo. Not so fast, this can’t be happening, my stomach feels much much heavier than it should be.

But isn’t this great? I need not worry whether he is in town or not. He will be there in the same city. A delightful feeling creeps up my spine.

Wow!

‘Ohh.. Wow, great news Karthik. You excited?’, I ask. I sound conflicted. He looks thoughtful. ‘So the whole new department eh? Must be a really good opportunity for you’. He looks even more thoughtful and is looking at me with searching eyes.

‘You don’t sound nearly as enthusiastic as I thought you would be. I thought… Well, maybe I am reading you all wrong.’

As he predicted before, my instinct tells me to run. I want to tell him something along the lines of why would it matter. I decide, for once, to take a different option.

‘Karthik… I am really happy that you will be here. I really am. But I am also freaked out a bit. You are here, just visiting. You did not even ask me out, you just sort of made it happen. Today, I had every intention of coming home and fall into my bed and sleep like the dead. But… I am not saying I don’t want to see you… I just.. I just don’t want to feel like we are rushing or that I don’t have an option’. Not bad, I did articulate it well.

Karthik’s face blanks out. He unconsciously, shifts my hand from his right hand to his left one and then back again.

‘You want to take it slow? We met a long time ago. We were engaged… How slower can it get?’. All fair points. I don’t have fair answers, so I keep quiet.

‘I like you Priya. I don’t understand why, but I like you’, he looks confused. He looks sooo confused that I couldn’t stop myself. I lean forward and rest my head on his shoulder. It feels awkward physically, I mean, try leaning on someone sitting in front of you, but it feels like the right move.

After a long silence, he sighs. ‘I cannot do this Priya.’

Unbelievably, he drops my hand from his hold and pushes me back gently. Okay. He cannot do what?

‘I don’t think I can do this. My move to Chennai is very good for my career. But there is a corner of me that is happy that it means we get to….’, he stops mid-sentence.

‘What?’, I prompt him. I so want to hear it. I badly want to know how that sentence ends.

The damn man shakes his head. He raises his hand picks up a stray from my messy head of hair, the action very unconscious. But he suddenly drops his hand. Oh no… What have I done?

‘Karthik?’. Shit. What have I done?

‘We will take it slow Priya.’. He gets up. ‘I will call you soon.’.

He walks to the door. ‘Good night Priya. Say bye to Anitha for me’.

Shit.

I sit on my pillow stack, surprised. Running would have been better, I think. I can conjure up any sort of excuse later.

But it is good right? This is good?

Anitha walks in. ‘Uh oh. You don’t look good. What happened?’.

I tell her. ‘Pri. Chill. I was surprised when I saw him today too. I mean who does that? You did the right thing Pri.’.

Did I? I yawn. God, am so tired. I shrug. What is done is done. If this is going down the toilet… Okay, I don’t want to come to such premature conclusions.

I pick up my pillows and head to my room. The phone on my bed vibrates.

I let myself fall on the bed and pick up the phone. There is a text message, from Karthik.

People text first, then start talking, then they meet. You wanna text?

I smile into the dark, relieved. I manage to reply.

No. We are past the text phase.

He takes his time replying. I struggle to keep my eye lids open. Losing the fight, I drift off. I dream about domain models and system architecture diagrams. Nightmares really!

Link to previous episodes : Episode 1  Episode 2  Episode 3  Episode 4  Episode 5  Episode 6  Episode 7  Episode 8 Episode 9 Episode 10 Episode 11 Episode 12