Episode 1

Oops! It was one of those days. Have you been there? When you have wanted something for a long long long time but finally, when you are sitting in your cozy little house and that-thing-you-wanted-most is almost at the threshold, have you gone into an outright panic attack?? There I am! Me! Totally panicked!

By the way, before I tell you why I am so panicked, the least I can do is introduce myself. If am not being polite, please excuse me. I am sure you would understand when you know my situation. Ok, to the point – I am Priya. Not a unique fancy name. Priya Ramakrishnan, the latter part of my name being that of my dad’s. Ugh. But my name, is a name that is short already, so can't be shortened further to be used at least on some great moments (possibly romantic?) in life. But no. Can it be Pri?? ‘Hi, Pri! Hello Pri’, of course it can be Pri. But that’s about the only shortened version to my name. Anything else would sound like indecipherable sounds that humans or non-humans make.

Ok, got sidetracked, back to the panicky problem. I am like 24 years old. Your average what is it? Who is India’s Jane Doe anyway?  Your average girl who could have made life above average, but was too caught up in the moment to have a vision that went beyond a week. And all those years of adolescent vision-blindness is right now biting me on the butt when I am about to go out to one of the most important event in my life. I am getting engaged today. Engaged, betrothed, spoken-for. Luckily this guy is perfect. He is handsome, some would wonder why he chose me. This guy could have had the best looking girl in my class, my God; she is actually an amateur model. But no, he settled for me. I am not exactly your classical gliding beauty. Nor am I your cute tom boy. If you did a line up of all the best looking girls in your high school class, I would end up in the line for sure, but more towards the rear end than to the front.

But that’s just me, my groom-to-be is your above average to-die-for (if you are a romantic) kind of a guy. This guy is really handsome, as in RUGGEDLY(noticed the upper case?). He has got about just a bit more than enough on his bank account and he is into some research kind of work, which he patiently tried to explain to me when we met(more like had to meet) but of course, I tuned it out. It was all too much for me. Well, who would want to know about some next generation thing that no one knows about anyways, when she is too busy thinking all typical bride thoughts on a possible fiancé??

See, you just about pegged me for brainless girly girl. Not true. I have brains. I used to have at least, it stopped working about the time hormone-drive happened or whatever it is that happens. But I am sort of intelligent bordering on brilliant. I would have understood but I was tuning him out mostly because he looked genuinely interested in what he did for a living and I was really really not. I do not like what I was doing for my living. I know you are going to ask, but you can guess already. I am one of those IT professionals hailing from and in the sacred land of IT-dom in the great peninsula of India. And I have no liking for my job. I just didn’t even think if that’s what I wanted. I just did it.

And I really didn’t know if he is what I want, I just assumed he was like my dream man. And I said yes. What’s with the ‘he’ business, I’ll introduce him as well. His name is Karthik. Whatever you say about him one thing stands - he is one of the best looking guys that I have seen so far in my 23 or so years. (You are right; I am in the habit of keeping my age a mystery! Well, duh!!) .

Now I am waiting in my room to be engaged to this handsome guy who makes me think why oh why did he choose me. And I am panicking. I do not want this guy. I do not want this job. What am I doing? I am fully dressed up. Assortment of a maroon silk saree with jewels that my parents had saved and saved and saved from my birth and then, me all made up and shining with all the glitter and what not. I look like someone else. It’s not me in any sense of the word ‘ME’. Nope.

I am sweating, spoiling my bridal make up (even though it is a betrothal). I probably have never looked better in my life. I probably never ever not care how I looked in my life. The words were screaming in my mind. I DON’T LIKE MY LIFE. I don’t like my life. I don’t like my life. I don’t, I don’t.

What am I going to do? Get engaged to this guy whom if I had met in my college or work I could never have scored with? Then get on with it and go to work tomorrow like this panic attack did not happen? It was too much. Even for me. A person needed to like something in his or her life. I suddenly didn’t like the idea that I consented to be arranged for my marriage. MY is the keyword. It was my marriage but I left it to my parents. It was my decision as to what I wanted to do in my life and I did not take that decision with the brain that I know I have. No thoughts. It was a process unguided from me. I wrote my 12^th exams. Results were good, joined a very good Engineering college, one of the numerous down here, and then got placed into this IT giant of a company through campus, it was all so easy, and it all just happened and I went along with the flow. How stupidly stupid!

Vision-blinded. That is a good nick name. VB. That’s me. I am hit by a sudden depression with all signs of extreme eating spree on the way. I am already scanning my room for eatables. Where is chocolate when a girl wants it? Where the hell is it??? I search and search and search. Nope. No chocolate anywhere in my room. That depresses me more. Funny I know. But hey am depressed I have a right to think about chocolate in the same context of love, career and all that. I really do.

Ok, so now what. I know there is no point in asking you guys. You are probably wishing that I end this charade and get a move on to the next thing. But right then my cell phone beeps. There is suddenly relief. Cell Phone. A part of my entire adolescent life even more than myself, and I had forgotten the existence of that particular technology in the last 5 minutes. The beep is from my best friend. Already married and settled in States. She has dropped me a text but I don’t open it, I have hit the call button already. After four agonizing rings she picks up and screams.

‘Hey, Preeeeeeee!! Am so happy ! So all dressed up? Taken photos yet?? How do you look? What are you wearing?? Preeee!! This is huge’

‘uh Swati? Calm down. Don’t shout so much, My ears….’ She does not let me complete.

‘Darling? What happened? Make up not good?’ She picked up on darling after she went there. This and sweetie and honey. Hmph! She is the girly girl. Make-up is her biggest concern. See?

‘Nope. Make up’s just fine’.

‘Just fine? Who is the beautician? I gave you the number of the one that my cousin used. She looked great. It’s the same one right? Sweetie, I am gonna kill her. Just fine?? Fine? That’s no word for an engagement…’ I cut her short now.

‘Swathi no... It is not that. I look good. I really do.’ This is one is capable of murdering the beautician all the way from States. ‘It's not that. Swathi… I.. I don’t know how to say this’ I already know my bestest of friends is going to tell me I got cold feet.

‘Come on.. don’t tell me you are scared darling! It happens. Its only engagement, not like marriage..’. Ya! That really helps!

‘I am not scared.. I have decided finally. I am not going to marry this one! No way’. I didn’t know I had decided. Best friends have a way of helping without realizing they do.

‘Whaaat?? Are you mad? You don’t want to get married? And you decided that now?? What happened to you? Really what? You know what? You go out there now and be with auntie, I know she is busy and all but no way in hell you are staying alone right now. You are scared. Cold feet. That’s all. Don’t decide now. No don’t..’ . See? There it is. I told you.

‘Noooo.. Its not like that. I am cool now. Not panicked. I just don’t see myself getting married to Karthik.’

‘You don’t see it now? Like just now? What were you doing all these days? You just said you don’t see now.. ugh Priya.. What the hell is wrong with you? I am calling uncle right now and then I am calling Karthik’. A mistake, she badly wanted to talk to him and I had obliged.

‘No.. don’t.. I’l talk to them myself. Its not like this engagement is a big affair. Only close family. I am sure they will understand. Pretty sure’. I knew she understood I am not going to change my decision now.

‘No no.. Don’t do it! Think what your mom and dad will go through… no darling. You are just panicked, Don’t don’t do it.’

‘This will be a problem, I know that. But if I didn't do anything, it will be a disaster…’ cut short again.

‘You are mad is what you are. Don’t do it. Go get engaged, we’ll think about the rest later. For god’s sake don’t break it now in front of all your family and relatives. His relatives. Don’t do it.. don’t…’.I'd had enough. I just hung up and switched off my cell too. Walked across the living room and set the landline off-hook.

But she made a point. There is no need for a scene in front of the families and relatives. There really isn’t.